


For the Want of a Y Chromosome

by musicat56



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Female Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Council Jumping to Conclusions, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:13:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 34,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24885910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicat56/pseuds/musicat56
Summary: Anakin Skywalker is born female and the fate of the galaxy shifts…...Because even Yoda is a softy for a crying little girlBecause Padme is a friend instead of a loverBecause Master Obi-Wan, well…. that’s complicatedJoin Ani as she grows from a young slave girl, to heroine in the clone wars,  to a young woman fleeing the order…..  Will Lady Vader rise?  Or Will Ani Skywalker prevail?
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Female Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 63
Kudos: 371





	1. Prologue - The Phantom Menace

Prologue

Ani missed her mother. She missed her mother so much that the cold chills raking her body and the gnawing hunger in her stomach barely registered as discomforts. Physically she had been in much worse conditions. Mentally she was not so sure. She might have had the release of a good cry but _slaves don't cry_ and neither did Jedi. So she wiped the tears away quickly and pulled her robes tight around herself.

The room she found herself in was the smallest on the ship and yet bigger than her room at home. She looked around again, hoping to see something she could do to keep busy. To make herself useful. Qui-Gon had assured her multiple times that all that she needed to do now was rest. But years of conditioning left her feeling on edge. _Always make yourself useful child_

"Are you all right?"

Ani startled, so lost in her thoughts she had not seen the hand maiden enter. Padmé was so brave and beautiful and dignified that Ani wished hopelessly to be like her one day. But Ani was a gutter-rat of a girl – she enjoyed fixing droids and pod-races, and always had tangles in her hair. And she didn't usually worry about being beautiful because it took too much time and her mother told her she was beautiful in the ways that really mattered….. and it was dangerous for a slave girl to be pretty anyway.

"I'm okay. It's just cold," she lied, hoping the tear tracks on her eyes weren't noticeable to the other girl. Unfortunately Padmé saw right through her.

"It's okay Ani, I miss my family too sometimes," she said softly, sitting down beside her. Padmé was studying her face, and her messy hair and Ani felt her self-consciousness flare. "I could comb your hair for you, if you like," Padmé offered and Ani looked up at her in shock. No one except her mother had ever cared for her. "My sister Sola used to do that for me what I was little."

Ani nodded and offered her head to Padmé who quickly settled into the job of pulling the tangles out of her long hair. Ani relaxed gradually until she was leaning against Padmé who quickly grabbed them a blanket when she felt Ani's shivering. It took a long time but finally Padmé had divided Ani's hair into two long braids on either side of her head. It wasn't the same as when her mother did it but Ani was glad Padmé was there.

XOXOXO

It would have been nice to have a friendly face holding her hand while she learned her fate. Not that Qui-Gon wasn't friendly, he just, he was busy with so many other things. Obi-Wan most of all. The other man seemed to always be beside him now. And Obi-Wan was nice enough when he spoke to her, but he kept giving her these side way glances that made her feel as if she had walked in bantha poo….. But she had checked her shoes and they were clean.

"Her cells do contain a very high concentration of midi-cholorians," began one of the councilors whose name she could not remember. She did not know what that meant but Qui-Gon seemed happy so it must be good. "And the force is very strong with her. But we have many reservations about her being trained," said – Windu – she recalled suddenly.

Ani stood up taller.

_I'll take the mother but the girl isn't much use to me_.

She had proven her value to Watto and she could do the same for the Jedi if they would just give her a chance. But her mother wasn't here to argue for her and she wasn't sure her ability to fix things would be very impressive to the Jedi. She looked to Qui-Gon to say something more on her behalf but he was strangely silent. She saw the clenching of his jaw though. The others held more power than him.

_Slaves know when to hold their tongues and bite their lips_

Her mother had spoken up for her anyway.

"Qui-Gon even you have to admit that she is too old, and much too attached to who she was," continued Mace as if she wasn't here, as if she couldn't hear them. And what was wrong with who she was? It was the slavers fault, not the slaves. She wiped a tear from her eye quickly, hoping that no one saw but another tear quickly followed. And they were Jedi, of course they would notice. The green one, Yoba she thought, looked at her intensely and it felt like he was looking through her. Like she was nothing.

"Agree with Mace I do," said Yoba and she felt her hope fading. "Her future is clouded, but I can sense that there is loss, and fear and pain."

But then Yoba looked at her again, and this time he actually seemed to see her and her tear stricken face. Suddenly his tone softened, "Is the life of a Jedi truly for you child? Let go you will have to if you are to follow this path."

She nodded at him. She could let go. She could do anything if it meant being a Jedi instead of a slave. She had already left so much behind her, and truly she had nothing to let go of anymore. Yoba looked away from her to Qui-Gon.

"If you believe truly that the chosen one she is then I entrust her in your care I do. Let her follow you and Obi-Wan for a time. Meditate we will and re-address this matter later."

Qui-Gon agreed and quickly shuffled her out of the council chambers.

She had the distinct feeling that Yoba hoped she would give up so he wouldn't have to disappoint her. But she would show them. She would show them all.

XOXOXO

"And what will happen to Ani?" Obi-Wan asked, even though he felt incredibly tired after the events of the last few days. He would have preferred to forget her and let someone else deal with the child. But he had promised Qui-Gon when he died.

Yoda looked at him thoughtfully, taking his time to respond.

"Emotional young Ani is. Too attached to her mother. Her training will be a great undertaking. Ready you are not. Ready she may never be. But expel her we cannot. Nowhere to go has she. So here she will stay, and allow her to learn with the other younglings. If she passes her initiate trials then you may keep your promise to Qui-Gon and train her."

Obi-Wan nodded, letting his relief into the force. He doubted young Ani would ever make the rank of padawan as she had nine years to make up. But she would be safe at the temple, and if she was truly the chosen one as Qui-Gon believed she would catch up. And if she did he supposed he would have to take her on…. But most likely she wouldn't.

XOXOXO

"He is one with the force now Ani, we must let go."

Ani looked at Obi-Wan and the lack of tears on his face. And yet she could tell he had cared deeply for his master. But he couldn't have loved him. Jedi didn't love. And she didn't know if she pitied or envied them that.

"What will happen to me now?" she asked tentatively.

"You will live in the temple with the other younglings Ani. You will be trained in the ways of the force, and if you pass the trials to become a padawan I promise I will take you on as my student."

She smiled at him. She would pass those tests, and someday be his padawan. She just knew it.

End Prologue


	2. Chapter 1 - Attack of the Clones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ani's becomes a padawan.... And everything is awkward.

Chapter 1

Ani smoothed down her robes and took a deep breathe. This was only her third assignment with Master Obi-Wan and this time she wasn't going to let him down. She knew he felt awkward being stuck with her. _The old one. The chosen one. The sensitive one._ And her eagerness to prove herself had led to a few unfortunate incidents. But no one, well excepting one rather old speeder, had died and they did ultimately fulfill their missions so he needn't have been so critical of her. Besides, the accidental hair cut she gave him with her light saber looked good, and she had successfully blocked the piece of exploding speeder from decapitating him.

Their master/padawan relationship issues weren't all her fault either. First, he waited a whole six months after she passed her initiate trials before claiming her as his padawan. By that time she had almost relegated herself to being Jocasta Nu's apprentice librarian forever. Then, when he did finally claim her, he did so by knocking on her door in the middle of the night. Assuming it was an emergency she rushed to the door in her pajamas with her hair dishevelled. The perfectly coiffed Obi-Wan hadn't recognized her, quickly mumbled he was looking for Ani and bolted. Only to come back five minutes later very embarrassed saying he would talk to her in the morning.

One very awkward breakfast conversation later Master Obi-Wan had explained how Master Qui-Gon used to surprise him with midnight sparring sessions and for her to be ready with her light saber, and fully dressed, the next night. The awkwardness passed after a few late night sparing sessions, but knowing she wasn't the padawan he wanted left an unsettled vibe between them.

"You shouldn't be so nervous Ani, you know Padmé," Obi-Wan comforted, no doubt feeling her nervousness bleeding into the force. She smiled tensely, tried to shake off her feelings, failed and then focused on putting up her shields instead. She was about to retort it was his piloting that rattled her when the elevator door suddenly opened and a familiar face ran towards them.

"Obi-Wan," Jar Jar greeted enthusiastically before shaking her Master's hand vigorously. She couldn't help but smile at how the ecstatic expression on Jar Jar's face contrasted greatly with the weary expression on her Master's.

"And little Ani!" Jar Jar proclaimed a moment later before manhandling her into a hug.

"It's good to see you too Jar Jar," she replied softly, her voice muffled, as she tried to extricate herself from the hug. She was finally free and eyeing the drool on her wrinkled robes when she looked up and saw the other woman in the room. Ani's heart sunk. She had forgotten how beautiful Padmé was. She felt her heart jump back to life when Obi-Wan picked up Padmé's delicate hand to kiss it.

"It's been far too long Master Kenobi," Padmé replied flirtatiously.

Ani felt suddenly ashamed of her rough outer rim accent. When Padmé turned to her with a friendly smile she bowed respectfully instead of speaking.

"My dear Ani, you've grown up into a beautiful young woman," Padmé praised her.

Ani did not feel beautiful. She felt like a wilted daisy next to a rose. As the silence stretched on she tried to think of something refined and polite to say to Padmé. Something that would make Obi-Wan proud. But no. That didn't happen.

"You're shorter than I remember," came traitorously out of her mouth instead.

She shared a horrified and pleading look with Obi-Wan. But he was too busy biting his tongue to keep from laughing to rescue her from her faux-pas.

"Oh Ani, you're still that little girl I knew on Tatooine," Padmé replied gracefully as Ani's face burned. Obi-Wan had finally recovered himself and gestured for them all to sit and discuss things.

Ani watched in awe as the two negotiated. It was clear that Padmé didn't want their protection, and Ani was sure that if the Jedi had sent anyone other than Master Obi-Wan they would have been quickly told where they could shove themselves. While Ani felt a little bit insulted on Obi-Wan's behalf, Padmé did have a point about wanting to find out who was trying to kill her. After all, bounty hunters would keep coming until they found out who was paying them.

"We will find out who is trying to kill you Senator Amidala, I promise," she cut in kindly just as Obi-Wan and Padmé seemed to be coming to a deadlock. Unfortunately the annoyed look on Obi-Wan's face was now directed towards her.

"We will do as the council instructed us Ani, and nothing more," he lectured.

Her cheeks flushed and she lowered her head. But only for a moment. Then she looked up and shot him an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry Master, but don't you think we have been assigned to protect Padmé _and_ find the assassin? Why would the council assign a Jedi of your status just to protect her?"

Apparently Obi-Wan couldn't be sweet-talked. He rolled his eyes at her and appeared about to start a longer lecture, but thankfully moved on when he remembered the more important woman in the room.

Senator Amidala looked between them, a funny look on her face. Then she sighed as she accepted their protection before excusing herself to bed. Obi-Wan looked after her for a few moments before standing up and gesturing for Ani to follow. They made a circuit of Padmé's apartment complex with Captain Typho, reviewed her current security measures and then Ani and Obi-Wan returned to the sitting room adjacent to her bedroom.

Obi-Wan pulled out the security scanner and tried tuning it to Padmé's room but nothing came up. He tried adjusting the settings for a few moments with no success.

"I think she covered the camera," suggested Ani, recalling her own efforts at blocking cameras at the temple.

"Why would she do that?" protested Obi-Wan, his frustration showing. Ani wondered if he was disappointed she was making his mission harder, or because he couldn't watch her sleep.

"Perhaps _she_ wants privacy when she's in her pajamas," pointed out Ani, "I mean, as a woman myself I can tell you that having a man intrude on you while you're trying to sleep…."

"For _force sake_ Ani, I knocked on your door. You didn't have to open it," he cut in before she could continue teasing him. "And who were you expecting anyway? Jedi have no business wearing pajamas _like that_."

"Silk pajamas are softer," she explained, shrugging off his concerns. He didn't look convinced, but it was the truth. Silk was soft. Not coarse and rough like the fabrics she wore as a child that always chafed against her skin. "I bet Padmé wears them too. Only she's a lot wiser than I am and knows to take precautions against strange men peaking at her."

Obi-Wan huffed at her. She tried not to laugh, but must have snickered a little because he was rolling his eyes at her once again.

"Perhaps you can learn some modesty from her then," he relented. "And I'm not strange," he added a few moments later.

Ani smirked, but kept her mouth shut for the sake of their fledging training bond.

XOXOXO

Obi-Wan let me fall asleep, she thought indignantly as her eyes popped wide open. Sensing something in the next room she burst into Padmé's room just in time to see Obi-Wan jump out the window.

"What was that?" asked Padmé – who was wearing silk pajamas - but Ani didn't notice as she jumped out the window after her master.

XOXOXO - Enroute to Naboo

"I don't like the idea of hiding," lamented Padmé, "but it will be nice to see home again."

Ani _sas_ looking forward to seeing Naboo again, but she would prefer to be with Master Obi-Wan looking for the assassin. She knew it wasn't becoming of a Jedi to sulk but she had been silent for most of their trip to Naboo. She knew it wasn't Padmé's fault she got stuck babysitting her, no doubt she would prefer to be with Obi-Wan too.

"Perhaps we should try to sleep then," Padmé replied a few minutes later, and Ani nodded. She waited until the other woman was asleep and then sat down next to her to rest her eyes. She should stay alert….

"Mom, no, Mom," she screamed, almost hitting Padmé who was shaking her arm trying to wake her.

"Ani are you okay?" Padmé asked, her eyes full of concern. It reminded Ani how kind she had been when they first met. But the dream left Ani feeling irritated. "I'm okay," she reassured the other woman tersely, sitting up quickly and pushing her hand off of her arm. "It was just a bad dream."

"About your mother," prompted Padmé. They sat in silence for a few moments more, until something bubbled up in Ani and she had to speak.

"We just left her there," she burst out, feeling horrible about the accusing tone of her voice but also relieved she was finally saying it out loud. The thought that had plagued her with guilt for the last ten years.

Padmé looked at her, a guilty expression on her face. "The Jedi didn't try….."

"The Jedi don't allow attachments," Ani interrupted bitterly. "They… I haven't seen Mom since I left. The Jedi encourage me to come to peace with my past and let it go. But it's easier for them, most don't remember their mothers. They don't know what it is to leave their family behind."

Padmé looked momentarily horrified and Ani felt some satisfaction until she noticed the pity in her eyes. "Ani that's….."

"The Jedi way," she quickly interrupted. "Don't get me wrong Padmé, I'm grateful to them for taking me in. And grateful for Obi-Wan for teaching me. I want to be a Jedi Knight more than anything, and I do agree with most of their teachings. But I can't believe all attachments are bad. Especially not to my mother. I am not going to forget her, or feel the same about her as everyone else."

Padmé smiled kindly and squeezed her arm in sympathy, and Ani realized that the other woman agreed with her. That her attachment to her mother was normal and understandable and not some fatal flaw that needed to be fixed. It was a relief to be with someone who understood. She had thought Padmé might lecture her on being a better Jedi. She seemed the type who would strive for perfection in everything, and everyone. She reminded her of Obi-Wan that way.

"Please don't mention this to Master Obi-Wan?" she requested suddenly, horrified he would learn yet another of her faults. Or try to help her in a useless endeavour which would no doubt be another bone of contention between them. Besides Yoda had already tried helping her, back when she was still trying to be the perfect Jedi. But now she didn't want it to work. She had accepted she would always worry about her mother, and would always keep her mother's love in her heart.

XOXOXO

"Ani, you don't have to be with me every moment," chided Padmé as they ate their lunch in the oversized dining room, only rarely interrupting the scraping of forks with conversation, "You can go explore the country side if you would like. Or go for a swim in the lake."

For a girl from the desert the idea was tantalizing. "That would be nice Padmé. But I promised Master Obi-Wan that I would ensure you were safe and I do not want to let him down."

Padmé put down her fork and Ani felt her eyes studying her as if she was some kind of mystery. The scrutiny made her feel uncomfortable.

"You admire Obi-Wan," she stated simply and Ani stared back at her wondering what she was getting at.

"He's my Master," she replied simply, defensively. "All padawans admire their Masters."

Padmé did not reply right away. Instead she took another bite of her meal first.

"You put him up on a pedestal Ani, but he's just a Jedi like yourself. Only with more experience. You shouldn't fear him knowing your faults. That is what our mentors are there for, to help us to learn from our errors."

"I don't fear him knowing my faults," she denied, but Padmé's skeptical look was evidence that neither of them believed her.

"Okay. So I don't want him to know _all_ of my faults. It's not because I'm fearful of making mistakes, or of him finding out. I do it all the time, but that's the problem. He already knows so many of my faults. He's already busy lecturing me to be less impetuous, less irresponsible, and to stop taking things too seriously or not seriously enough."

She unconsciously balled her fists in her robe as she talked, and wondered if someone like Padmé could understand what it was like to constantly fall short of others expectations.

"I would like him to see something good in me before he sees another fault," she finished quietly.

She looked up at Padmé waiting for her to defend Obi-Wan.

"If he does not compliment your strengths than that is his mistake Ani," she said instead. "Sometimes our mentors can be wrong. Sometimes it's our job to point out their flaws."

Ani couldn't think of any flaws to point out about Obi-Wan.

XOXOXO

Ani woke up suddenly, her heart racing, sweat covering her body. She didn't remember the dream but knew it was about her mother again. She must have screamed in her sleep because Padmé was turning on the light on the night-stand between their beds. She looked down from her King sized bed to the cot Ani was lying on.

"I'm sorry," Ani mumbled, feeling terrible for having woken the Senator. But the other woman was looking at her in concern. Ani looked away, and Padmé shut the light off again.

"Ani, please go back to sleep, and rest easy," Padmé whispered into the darkness. "Tomorrow morning we're leaving right away for Tatooine."

"I…. I can't allow you to do that," Ani whispered, shock and hope gathering in her chest.

"You would not allow me to relieve myself of my guilt? I was a Queen. And your mother helped me, she even let me stay in your house. I was so caught up in my own issues that I did nothing to re-pay that favour. Tomorrow I plan to make amends."

Ani didn't say anything, but she slept easier than she had in a long time.

XOXOXO

Ani hated the Tuskan Raiders long before Cliegg Lars told her they had taken her mother. She still remembered being a young child and waiting for her friends to come back from chores they were sent on. Too many times they never came back. And more often than not it was the Tuskan's doing. An old woman once lamented that they were only protecting what was rightfully theirs. That the land belonged to them long before the outsiders came. But her friends were just children. Children doing their master's bidding.

She looked at Owen's old swoop bike and grasped her light saber tightly in her hand. She reached out with the force, and felt for her mother. It was weak, but she felt it. She jumped on the bike and raced towards her.

The village was a sea of huts and all the sand people seemed to be inside, hiding from the harsh sunlight of mid-day. It was quiet – unnaturally so – and Ani guessed that most of them were sleeping. She heard a few voices sporadically as she tried to slip unnoticed through the village, searching for her mother.

Ani felt her mother's essence coming from a hut near the back. She noted with a grimace that hut had two guards sitting outside of it holding long gaffi sticks. She leaned forward to try and catch a glimpse inside. Unfortunately a sudden gust of wind whipped sand into her eyes, and she withdrew her head quickly. Her movement alerted the guards to her presence. One of them retreated into the hut while the other appeared to be going to alert others to her presence.

Ani did not hesitate – she had to get to her mother before that _thing_ did. She whipped her light saber up in front of the running one. He didn't stop in time and her weapon slashed easily through his neck, his head falling softly to the sand. She did not pause to think about it as she ran inside.

She was horrified by what she saw there – her mother bleeding and tied to a wooden frame, the other Tuskan guard about to beat her with his stick. Ani felt her anger flare as she raced across the room and hacked him down from behind. She roughly pushed his body away, barely noticing her actions, an overwhelming need to get to her mother guiding her.

"Mom," she cried, pulling the ropes off of her mother's bound and bloody hands, clasping them before pulling her mother's arms around her shoulders so she could support her.

"Ani…. It is you?" her mother moaned softly, before slumping into her arms.

"Yes, Yes Mom it's me. I'm taking you home," Ani replied, hugging her close to her as she started to drag her out of the hut.

She was almost outside the hut when she heard a sound from the other side. A low guttural moan. Then a soft spoken plea. "Help me," it begged hoarsely. Ani turned to see another woman on the opposite end of the room. She studied her for a moment. Tried to think of a way to help her. But Owen's bike would barely hold herself and her mother. There was no way she could save this woman as well. Not now, when her mother was in such bad shape and she had to get her home.

"I'm sorry," Ani mumbled, looking away from the other woman. From the eyes that would haunt her.

"Mercy then," she mumbled, eyeing Ani's light saber.

Ani did not reply. She rushed out of the hut and pulled her mother unto the swoop bike. With her mother precariously balanced in front of her she turned on the engine and raced away.

XOXOXO

"She got to come home, to say goodbye to her family because of you," comforted Padmé as they packed up their belongings to return to Naboo.

They had buried her mother yesterday. Buried her in the harsh sand of Tatooine. With a small tombstone that the Lars would no doubt put small memorials on every year in memory of her. While Ani would likely never visit it again.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay longer?" asked Padmé.

Ani had stayed with her mother for those few precious hours until twilight came and her mother left with the suns. Ani should have left then too. Left it all behind like a good little Jedi, finally devoid of all attachments. But instead Ani had gone back, back to the sand people's huts in the night. She was hurting, but she didn't go for revenge. She went searching for the woman she had left behind. For someone that she could save. But she found the woman's body mutilated and strung out at the edge of the village. Perhaps a sign of retribution for the guards Ani had killed. Perhaps just a sign of their mindless brutality.

Just leave a voice in her head urged her. A voice that sounded like Obi-Wan and Yoda and Plo Koon and Jocasta Nu. But a righteous anger flared. What if there were more? Other innocent women and children strung up in huts by these animals? She needed to save them. She couldn't leave anyone behind to be tortured by these _monsters._

She searched for them hut by hut, ripping open the doors, causing chaos and panic as she looked for more victims. There were no others. But the sand people didn't run when they saw her. Instead they tried to swarm her. And in her head they weren't protecting themselves but trying to bind her like they had bound her mother. Trying to make her theirs. But she was no one's victim anymore. She slashed them off of her, violently twirling around with her saber, catching anyone who dare come near her. Which was everyone in the small cramped huts.

In the last hut she was twisting her body around, cutting the Tuskan's down with her saber when something stopped her. A small child, pulled away from the edge of her light saber by its mother. The mother's hand was bleeding where it had touched her light saber saving her child's life.

Ani starred at them for a moment, deactivated her light saber and ran away.

End Chapter 1


	3. Chapter 2 - The Clone Wars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ani and Obi-Wan are back in Coruscant after being deployed for months.

Chapter 2

"We deserve some fun," hinted Ani, directing a pleading look at Obi-Wan as they exited their transport and walked towards the Jedi temple on Coruscant.

Obi-Wan shot her a warning glance and she looked past him to the holonet reporters who were trying to get their attention. She smiled kindly, but stood up straighter and walked past them. After a few too many off the cuff responses, Obi-Wan had told her that perhaps it was best if she didn't answer any more questions. They had to uphold their public image of serious Jedi protectors after all. So she stood quietly by his side when he stopped to answer a few questions about the liberation of Ryloth.

"You don't find freeing others from the oppression of the Separatists fun?" he queried once they were safely inside the temple grounds.

"Only when I get to blow things up," she replied, automatically walking towards the light saber training rooms. Ani wanted nothing more than a good training session with her Master, dinner at Dex's and a long bath accompanied by a trashy novel. After being stuck on starships and in war zones for months the thought was heavenly.

"You're always blowing things up," observed Obi-Wan wryly, his eyes twinkling. "And I know where you're heading Ani but I think some meditation might be more fitting given the excitement of the last months."

She frowned at him, and his attempts to steer her toward the room of a thousand fountains. He probably did have a point, but she was too restless for meditation. She was about to beg him to come fight instead, but then she took a closer look at him. He looked drained, his robes wrinkled, his hair mussed up and he genuinely looked in need of some relaxation.

"Why don't you meditate, while I check in with the Chancellor? He did ask me to come see him when I got back."

Obi-Wan looked momentarily troubled by her words but she assumed it was because she was skipping out on yet another meditation session. He probably would have prevented her from leaving if she had been going to see anyone other than the chancellor.

"I'll join you later," she reassured him, knowing he would probably be there for hours regardless. "And then perhaps supper at Dex's?" she urged, nodding and smiling at him in encouragement.

Obi-Wan seemed about to agree and then thought better of it.

"Actually, Senator Amidala invited us to eat with her this evening. She's wanted to show her appreciation since we saved her from the blue shadow virus. I told her I would attend, and I was hoping you would come as well."

Ani liked Padmé but a stuffy dinner playing third wheel third wheel while the she flirted with Obi-Wan did not sound particularly appealing. "I will think about it," she replied vaguely, wondering if the other woman actually wanted her there.

"Well, have the decency to let her know either way while you're at the Senate building," he lectured. But he was speaking to her back as she rushed out of the temple. She didn't see the concerned look on his face.

XOXOXO

She didn't have an appointment but Ani only waited a few minutes before the chancellor's receptionist told her she could go in. She pulled open the thick wooden doors to reveal the chancellor sitting at his desk with many papers strewn open before him. She was about to ask if it was a bad time, but he had already stood up to walk over to her.

"My Dear Ani, it is wonderful to see you again," he said, placing a hand on her back as he guided her into the seat across from his desk. "You have distinguished yourself extraordinarily since our last meeting. The Republic is in debt to our newest heroine."

She blushed, feeling shy and unaccustomed to the blatant praise. A wry smile and _at least you didn't blow our ship up this time_ were the accolades she was used too.

"Master Obi-Wan is really responsible for most of our victories," she demurred, looking at her hands.

The chancellor raised his eyebrows at her. "You give yourself far too little credit Ani," he contradicted. "I've heard you were the one who decommissioned the Malevolence. There are certainly no other padawans as accomplished as yourself, and not a lot of full Knights either."

Ani smiled at the memory, and lost in her thoughts she did not see the chancellor pulling something out of his desk drawer. She looked in shock at the large rectangular box he was holding.

"What's this?" she asked, surprised when he placed the box into her hands.

"A small token of my appreciation," Palpatine replied, gesturing for her to open it.

Ani hadn't been given a present in years. Not since she was a young girl and her mother carved a doll for her birthday or found a piece of scrap metal for her. And she had never been given anything so elegantly wrapped up. She slowly untied the bow and slipped open the box. She fingered the soft black fabric inside for a moment, before gently pulling the gift out of the box. Her eyes widened as she studied the dress. It was a long strapless black gown with a blood red sash across the waist. There were matching black gloves, long enough to completely cover her prosthetic.

"It's beautiful," she gasped, still fingering the fabric. "I, but I hardly have a place to wear it," she added, flushing as she realized how ungrateful that sounded.

Chancellor Palpatine smiled indulgently at her. "My dear, you will have many opportunities to wear it when the war is won. When a Republic victory is secured I want to have a beautiful warrior like yourself standing by my side in the parades."

Ani smiled at the idea of the war being over. But the Jedi would never let her march in any parades. It was not the Jedi way to take credit for doing their duty. Besides, she could never be the type of sophisticated woman who wore a dress like this.

"It's beautiful Chancellor. But I can't accept it," she said, placing the dress back into the box. She sighed, feeling a tinge of regret as she closed the box, and tried to hand it back to Palpatine.

"The dress was made specifically for you Ani. It will not suit anyone else," he pressed, pushing the box back into her hands. "Unless you don't like it and this is just a polite excuse," he added, smiling at her.

"No, I do truly like it," she protested, not wanted of offend him. "But as a Jedi I can't accept gifts for doing my duty."

"Then consider it a gift from an admirer instead," he said, smiling when she reluctantly took the box back.

She did want the dress, wanted to see herself in it, to pretend she was sophisticated and beautiful like Senator Amidala. But accepting it from Palpatine left her with an uneasy feeling in her stomach. He had always been a fatherly figure to her, but this dress seemed far from a fatherly gesture. But she was probably reading too much into it.

"I will hardly feel like myself in it. It's suitable for a Queen," she half-heartedly protested, knowing she was going home with the dress. She couldn't say no to the chancellor after all.

"On you, it would be suitable for an Empress," Palpatine complimented, before locking eyes with her, the intensity of his gaze scaring her. "I would be honored if you would attend the opera with me tonight."

She was about to say she would love to go with him. Despite her misgivings there was intense part of her wanting to comply with his wishes. _You want to say yes_ seemed to scream through her brain. But it was all wrong somehow, and there was another part of her brain irrationally yelling get the hell out of there. She felt an urging in the force to leave, and to stay all at once.

She stood up abruptly, still gripping the box and feeling slightly unbalanced. "I…. I'm honoured. But I already promised Master Obi-Wan I would attend supper with himself and Senator Amidala."

Palpatine stood as well, and positioned himself so that he was standing between herself and the door. There was that intense look again. "Wouldn't you rather come to the opera with me?"

"I'm sorry. I already accepted," she replied, lowering her head as if to hide her lie from him.

He was smiling when she looked up again, but for a brief moment she imagined she saw an expression somewhere between annoyed and impressed cross his face.

"I am sorry they got to you first Ani. But promise me you will attend the opera with me the next time you're in Coruscant?"

He was holding the door, but not fully opening it, and Ani had the irrational thought he wouldn't let her go unless she agreed. So she promised to go with him next time before hurrying out the door.

She barely realized where she was going until she found herself standing in front of Padmé's office. Her receptionist smiled at her and asked her to wait for a few minutes. She gestured for Ani to sit, but she paced along the corridor until she was admitted.

"Senator Amidala, I'm sorry just to show up like this," she apologized as she entered, closing the door behind her, "But Obi-Wan extended your invitation to supper, and I wanted to let you know that I would be honored to attend."

Ani continued to pace back and forth in front of Padmé's desk waiting for her reply. She wanted to get back to the temple quickly. She felt a strange need to meditation with Obi-Wan now. But her restless behavior earned the Senator's concern.

"Ani is anything wrong?" she asked kindly.

Ani looked at the other woman, wondering if she could confide in her. She seemed to have kept all her secrets so far. And she couldn't exactly ask Obi-Wan these questions. So she stopped pacing and plopped down in the chair across from Padmé.

"How do you know if a man is interested in you, romantically?" she asked, looking down, playing with her prosthetic hand as she waited for the other woman's response.

Padmé must have been shocked at the question, because she didn't say anything for a long time. Ani was beginning to regret asking her when she finally answered.

"What's going on Ani?" she probed.

Ani wondered if she should just level with her. But the idea that the chancellor could be interested in her _in that way_ seemed so preposterous that she couldn't say the words out loud. Padmé would probably laugh at her if she did.

"I… say someone has been in your life for a long time, and is almost a kind of father figure to you. But then he does something that makes you re-evaluate your whole relationship. How do you know he's really interested and you're not just being stupid and imagining things that aren't there?"

Ani spit the words out quickly but Padmé didn't reply for quite some time. Ani thought that she most have shocked the other woman with her confession. But when she finally looked up Padmé did not look surprised at all. She looked more like she was searching for the proper thing to say.

"Do you want the relationship to change?" Padmé finally replied softly.

"No," Ani replied forcefully back, remembering with a shiver her unsettled feelings from before.

"Are you _sure_?" Padmé asked, looking like she didn't believe her.

"Yes," Ani declared emphatically. "I mean. I feel bad saying no, because he's always been kind to me and maybe I'm misreading this whole thing. Maybe it's just a friendly invitation."

Padmé seemed intrigued. "What did he invite you too?"

"The opera," she replied.

"Well, it could be a friendly gestured," Padmé allowed. "But are you sure _you_ don't want it to be more? That you have feelings for him but are repressing them because you are a Jedi?"

Ani wondered for a moment whether she would have accepted Palpatine's invitation if she wasn't a Jedi. She had to admit that there was part of her that liked the idea of being on the arm of the most powerful man in the Republic.

"I don't think so," she replied. "I mean, I was flattered, I guess. But it felt wrong too. But you're probably right, it was probably nothing. "

Padmé smiled sadly and Ani got the strange feeling that the other woman was disappointed somehow. She had probably been reading too many forbidden love novels lately.

"Anyway, I best be getting back to the temple, Obi-Wan will be scolding me for staying so long instead of meditating. Thanks again for the invitation to supper. You're sure I'm not intruding?"

Padmé starred at her. A funny look on her face. "Why would you be intruding Ani?"

Ani colored a little but she felt comfortable enough with Padmé to elaborate. "I thought maybe you had a crush on Obi-Wan."

Padmé seemed to be pondering her words, an unreadable expression on her face. "He's not my type Ani," she replied, "And I don't think I'm his either" she added in a tone that made Ani feel like she was missing something. But she let the comment go and promised Padmé she would see her later.

XOXOXO

The thing about the room with a thousand fountains was there were actually a thousand fountains. So to try and find one human was not an easy task. Especially when you still felt a bit flustered and weren't grounding yourself probably. Thankfully it made it easy for Obi-Wan to find her.

"Ani?" he asked, a concerned look on his face. He still looked tired and she was momentarily angry with herself for causing him more grief.

"I told you I would come back for meditation," she declared, moving past him, deeper into the room away from the other Jedi. Obi-Wan followed her.

"What's wrong Ani? Did the chancellor upset you somehow?" he asked softly, tilting his head towards her.

Ani shook her head. Then paused for a moment of deliberation before handing the chancellor's gift to Obi-Wan. He opened it, a confused look covering his face, replaced by raised brows as he studied the dress before shoving it back into the box.

"He bought it so I would have something to wear to attend the opera with him tonight," she explained, waiting for his reaction. For his reassurance that this was normal behavior on the part of the chancellor.

Obi-Wan blanched. "Ani, I don't think you should be accepting a gift like this…" he started.

"It's just a harmless show of gratitude," she cut in, not wanting Obi-Wan to think she had done something to encourage the chancellor.

"Jedi don't do things for rewards," Obi-Wan replied, setting the box down on the edge of a fountain. "And Palpatine didn't give you that dress out of gratitude. He's a very powerful man and a cunning politician."

Ani felt that Obi-Wan was right, that Palpatine wanted something from her. This wasn't a gift without strings. _He wants to possess me_ flashed through her mind. But she could not say that ludicrous thought to Obi-Wan any more than she could have to Padmé.

"He just gave it to me so I would have something appropriate to wear when we go to the opera," she replied dully, gesturing to her Jedi robes.

"And did you think about _why_ he wants you to go with him?" Obi-Wan pushed back.

She stared at him blankly for a second, attributing the comment initially to Obi-Wan's distrust of politicians. But then what he said percolated in her mind. Did Obi-Wan find it so hard to believe that someone could _want_ to be with her? The thought stung, and she was unable to meet his eyes as Watto's voice echoed in her ears. _Why would anyone want that scrawny thing?_

"Is it so impossible to think someone would _want_ to spend time with me?" she hissed back before she could stop herself. "Not everyone is forced to be with me out of obligation."

Obi-Wan looked horrified by her words. He was probably upset that she was going to cause a scene. She watched as he opened one of the private meditation rooms, checked there was no one inside and pulled Ani in with him.

"Did you think this is something I wanted?" she whispered before he could say anything, while she desperately tried to hold back the tears, to regain control of her emotions. "I didn't want him to invite me, or give me this dress. But it's not easy saying no to the chancellor. I felt obligated. And I get it now Obi-Wan. I'm sorry Qui-Gon did that to you. That he made you take me on when you didn't want too."

She felt proud of herself. Her tears had been replaced by a cold calmness by the end of her speech. But Obi-Wan was staring at her in astonishment, a troubled look crossing his face.

"Ani, did he do anything else to you?" he asked eyeing her carefully, a deadly tone to his voice. A protectiveness she usually only saw when they were in battle together.

"No," she reassured him, feeling slightly better seeing his concern for her.

"Good," he nodded. "Because you are worth a thousand chancellors. You get to say no to anyone."

Ani swallowed her surprise. Had _Obi-Wan_ said that?

"I thought…. I mean. I'm always falling short," she replied, studying his face, hoping for the reassurance she needed.

Obi-Wan looked personally pained at her words. "Ani, I'm sorry if I gave you that impression. I know I'm hard on you. But it's equally hard being your Master. I waited so long because I hoped someone more experienced would take you on. And don't go thinking that you don't have your faults. You're impulsive and headstrong. But, Ani, your force presence….."

He was silent for a moment, looking at her in a way that was reminiscent of Palpatine's gaze, and yet the way it made her feel was the complete opposite. It was calming, and right.

"I haven't felt anything like that before….," he continued, and he looked like he was about to say more, than thought better of it. "And despite fearing for our lives half the time, I am impressed by your intuition during battle. There is no one I would prefer by my side."

She smiled, feeling like some horrible dread was being pushed back by his words. "I feel like you're an impossible example to live up too," she admitted in response to his confession.

"I'm far from perfect Ani," Obi-Wan replied, a gruffness in his voice she wasn't used too. It made her feel suddenly shy.

"I told the chancellor I couldn't go tonight," she admitted softly, playing with the light saber on her belt, "I told him that I'd already agreed to go to dinner at Senator Amidala's."

"Good," he replied. Then he smiled at her awkwardly, the man of the moment before gone, the Jedi Knight in his place.

"Can we do some light saber practice now?" she suggested.

This time he agreed.

End Chapter 2


	4. Chapter 3 - The Clone Wars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ziro the Hutt escapes from prison. Quinlon Vos helps Ani and Obi-Wan find him, and with other things too.

Chapter 3

_Stupid Hutts_ thought Ani as she grabbed her clothes and stuffed them roughly into her bag. They were supposed to have another week in Coruscant, but the recent hostage situation at the Senate and subsequent escape of Ziro the Hutt from prison meant their leave was cut short. Obi-Wan didn't seem to mind but she wanted a few more days of relaxation before being thrust back into action. She looked longingly at her comfortable bed before walking out, letting the door to her room slam shut behind her.

As she walked outside the temple she looked around for Obi-Wan, spotting him a few feet away leaning against a Nu-class shuttle. She was about to yell at him that she was ready when she noticed that he was talking to another Jedi. The other Jedi looked somewhat familiar, but Ani could not quite remember where she had seen him before.

"Master Obi-Wan," she greeted demurely and both men turned to look at her. Obi-Wan shot her a strained smile while the other man eyed her head to toe.

"Ani, this is Master Quinlon Vos," introduced Obi-Wan and Ani bowed politely.

Quinlon Vos did not respond in the manner she expected a Jedi Master would. Instead of greeting her back he smirked at Obi-Wan. "I thought I got the pretty padawans," he whispered just loud enough for her to hear.

She tried to stifle a smile at the exacerbated look on her Master's face. A look that was normally reserved for her antics. Master Vos' quip did help her remember how she knew him though, he was Aayla Secura's former master. She considered it high praise to be compared favourably with the Twi'lek.

"Quinlon, please, at least be decent around my padawan," Obi-Wan chided, the tone of his voice revealing that he was used to this type of behavior from the other Jedi. They should get along well if he liked torturing Obi-Wan as much as she did.

Master Vos did not respond to Obi-Wan's rebuke, instead he was staring at her as if he was still trying to figure out how he knew her. She saw his eyebrows raise a fraction, and she paused for it. _You're the chosen old, the girl who blew up the Malevolence, the older padawan_. Of all the parts of herself she was used to being reduced too she was not prepared for what he said.

"You're the slave girl Qui-Gon found on Tatooine," he declared.

Ani felt her face color at his words, her soul burning with the reduction of who she was to _slave girl_.

"My name is Ani," she replied harshly, feeling that any chance they would get along was obliterated with his careless words. She knew she was projecting her hurt emotions but _what do you expect from a slave girl?_ She looked up expecting one of them to lecture her. Instead she saw Obi-Wan shooting Quinlon a dirty look while Quinlon continued to study her, looking absolutely intrigued.

"Ani Skywalker," he corrected after a moment's pause.

_What kind of an asshole tries to correct you on your own name?_

"You can't deny that Skywalker's a slave name," he continued, not paying attention to the building anger she was failing to release to the force. "A yearning for the freedom of the skies…. Something most slaves never achieve Ani. But you did. So do not be ashamed of your heritage. Wear it like a badge of honor so that no one can use it against you."

Ani could only nod, the momentary anger sputtering out with the realization that he was not going to lecture her on her past. No, he told her to embrace it, and he seemed _impressed_ with her. It wasn't a sentiment she associated with the Jedi. But she also wondered how he knew so much about….

"I was on Tatooine for quite some time," he continued, almost as if he was reading her mind. "I learned a lot about slavery, and a lot about the Hutts. That is partially why I have been tasked with bringing Ziro to justice. "

The tone in his voice when he said Hutts told Ani that they shared similar sentiments for the creatures.

"And I suspect Obi-Wan's job is to keep us from losing the Hutts as allies in the war," he added, smiling amusedly at her Master. Obi-Wan rolled his eyes, but Ani noticed he did look a bit apprehensive about being responsible for preventing a diplomatic incident.

When they were all loaded on the transport and she was informed they were heading to the Hutt's home world of Nal Hutta, and were going directly to the Grand Hutt Council she understood his apprehension.

XOXOXO

Ani sat down on her hard transport bunk and stretched out her legs, wishing she was tired enough to sleep. Quinlon and Obi-Wan were still in the cockpit discussing their mission. She could overhear bits and pieces of what they were saying, and it was apparent that Quinlon felt it was not entirely appropriate for all of them to face the council together. In fact he was arguing quite loudly about it, and she knew that it was her past that he was taking exception too. As if she couldn't control herself when faced with the Hutts.

"Gardulla will be there," she heard him spit out, exacerbation with Obi-Wan dripping from his words. Obi-Wan must have said something in response but she could not make out his calm rebuttal over Quinlon's passionate arguments.

"Gardulla owned her Obi," Quinlon shot back, "And yet you expect her to stand there and be diplomatic?"

Obi-Wan's reply was muffled, and she was tempted to walk closer to the door to see what he was saying. She thought better of it when Quinlon abruptly came storming back to the sleeping quarters.

"You probably heard most of that," he acknowledged when he saw her, the directness of his words startling when she been prepared to pretend she hadn't heard anything.

He sat down on the bunk opposite to her and began kicking off his sandals.

"Bits of it," she admitted.

"Obi-Wan thinks we should all go to the Hutt Council together as Jedi ambassadors to inform them of Niro's escape," Quinlon explained.

He unwrapped his leather arm bands as he continued to speak.

"But I think it would be better if you went in alone first, as an undercover agent. There's always plenty of dancing girls at the Hutt council, and we can make it so you fit right in," he said, handing her his leather arm wrappings. She wasn't quite sure what she was supposed to do with them. "And it would spare you the need to interact with Gardulla."

He waited for her response but she didn't know what to say. Did he think she couldn't control herself?

"If I were you, I would prefer to put my light saber through her Hutt body than be diplomatic," Quinlon replied as he lied down on his bunk, not even bothering to pull the thin blanket over his body.

Ani looked over at him in shock.

"That's not very Jedi like," she replied, lying down in her own bunk, pulling her blanket up to her neck as she stared at the bottom of the bunk above her. She suddenly felt worried that he could see through her, that he knew about the blood of Tuskan raiders on her saber.

He smiled, "I'm not always very good at this Jedi thing. And that comes in handy when you spend most of your time undercover being un-Jedi like."

There was something in that confession that made her trust him, made her feel like he wouldn't turn against her even if she admitted the worst thing she had ever done. So maybe she didn't have to be ashamed of her true feelings. Maybe he would understand.

"A light saber through her chest would be too kind," she whispered into the dark after he had turned off the lights.

He didn't reply for a few seconds. Then he did and she could almost see the smile in his tone. "Something slower perhaps?"

She thought for a moment. What would be most fitting for a Hutt?

"Maybe cover her in heavy chains that she can't break free from," Ani suggested.

"And then you could watch her slowly suffocate under the weight of her own oppression?" he added, his tone oddly vacant as if he was thinking of something, or someone else.

"Yes," she agreed softly.

Suddenly the light was on again and Quinlon was standing next to her bed looking down intently.

"Up" he ordered, but as soon as she was up and out of bed he grabbed her hands and pulled her down to the metal floor. "Sit like me," he ordered, so that they were both sitting cross legged on the floor across from each other. He kept her hands tightly in his own.

"Imagine you are covering her with chains," he ordered and she could almost see herself doing it in her head, and he was nodding as if he could see it too. And it seemed so real to her.

"The chains are suffocating her," Ani observed quietly after she had placed all of the chains. She watched Gardulla gasp. She watched her struggling and fail to break free. She could see the other beings terror. She suddenly wanted this to stop. She tried to pull away but Quinlon kept her grounded with his grip.

"Don't look away," he growled at her. "Imagine it completely, imaging her gasping for her last breathe and dying."

She kept watching, even though the image was no longer bringing her any satisfaction and the intensity in Quinlon's voice had scared her. As she watched Gardulla sputter and die she had the intense feeling that she was no better than those she was trying to defeat.

She felt her misgivings intensify for a moment and then Quinlon's voice cut in, "Now let's leave that fantasy behind. Replace it with something better."

She was happy to leave it behind. Instead she concentrated on being on Tatooine. On freeing the slaves. On bringing the Hutts to justice for their crimes. On the Republic sentencing them to life in prison.

She opened her eyes to see that Quinlon was smiling at her.

"Embrace the feelings, and then you can re-direct them," he murmured, leaning over to whisper the words into her ear, his hands still grasping hers. His words sent a shiver through her body. He was going to say something else but Obi-Wan chose that moment to interrupt them.

"What are you two doing?" he asked, an accusing tone to his voice.

"We're just meditating," replied Quinlon lightly, but even Ani had to admit there had been something strangely intimate about the experience with Master Vos. And she felt oddly guilty as she looked at Obi-Wan.

"And what exactly are you teaching her?" Obi-Wan almost growled.

"That contrary to popular believe, Jedi can be passionate," he replied, his tone teasing enough that hopefully they would escape the long theological debate such a claim would normally stir up within members of the Jedi order.

"Of course, you can't release anything that you've repressed. You have to embrace it first," he added and she swore that he actually winked at her Master. Obi-wan was outright glaring at Quinlon, but under the annoyance was something else, something that looked like apprehension. Did Quinlon know something about Obi-Wan that she did not?

"Anyway, it was a good session Ani, and I think you might sleep easier now. Unfortunately for you Obi, Ani and I stole the bottom bunks. You get to pick who you want to sleep on top of tonight."

Obi-Wan muttered something and then returned to the cockpit. Ani feel asleep to the sound of Quinlon laughing.

XOXOXO

"I really don't like this idea," Obi-Wan replied as he watched Ani walk off on her own. Quinlon had dressed her up like a dancing girl, or as close an approximation as he could with his leather and her Jedi robes. She looked more like a bounty hunter than a dancer, but either way she would fit in better at the Hutt Council than they would.

"She'll be able to pick up a lot more information dressed like that," Vos drawled, and Obi-Wan had to grudgingly agree. They sat quietly in the cockpit for a few moments and Obi-Wan silently prayed that Quinlon would not bring up the topic he was obviously dying to address.

"They say you spend a lot of time sparing," Quinlon stated, obviously unable to help himself.

Obi-Wan wished yet again that he was working with any other Jedi. While Quinlon's particular skills were invaluable for their mission, he did not appreciate having his insights used against himself.

"Light saber training _is_ part of training a padawan," Obi-Wan replied, purposefully ignoring the piercing look from Quinlon.

"You know as well as I do what happens in the light saber room….."

Obi-Wan glared at him and thankfully for once the other Jedi stopped talking. But he was still smiling infuriatingly.

"You can't say you _never_ did it," Quinlon continued, "I'm friends with Siri too after all…."

Obi-Wan glowered at him, and the playful look on Quinlon's face suddenly vanished.

"Obi-Wan don't let your attraction to the girl blind you to the truth. She's struggling. It doesn't help that she's a supernova in the force, _and_ a passionate one. If she doesn't learn to embrace her feelings and direct them back to the light it could be disastrous. And I'm not sure you are equipped to help her my perfect Jedi friend."

"We all struggle with darkness," Obi-Wan argued, not liking the idea there was something he could not help Ani with, that he was somehow an inadequate Master. That she needed something from _Quinlon Vos_ that he couldn't offer her.

"I think you've confused struggling with normal human instincts with struggling with the dark side," Quinlon rebutted, but not unfriendly. "Just accept that you're attracted to a beautiful woman and stop beating yourself up about it…. Perhaps that's a poor choice of words."

Obi-Wan glared at Quinlon who suddenly had an innocent expression on his face. He wished it was that easy. If it was only a passing attraction or crush he felt for Ani he could deal with it. He had dealt with similar situations in the past. But it was more than that.

"I'd die for her," he confessed softly to Quinlon, but mostly he was confessing it to himself. Something he had known for quite some time, but had been denying. But he could not deny the way he felt when he watched her walk away to face a family that had hurt her so badly. Couldn't deny it when he saw her with Quinlon and felt his jealousy surge. He had known it so many times when she barely escaped from one reckless gamble after another…

But his feelings were his burden to carry alone, and like all things they too would pass in time. She'd be knighted. They'd be separated. And life would go on. He'd learn to let her go.

Quinlon placed his hand on his shoulder. "She doesn't need you to die for her Obi-Wan. She needs you to be a shining beacon of light."

XOXOXO

Ani watched as Quinlon Vos and Obi-Wan Kenobi spoke with the Hutt Council to inform them of Ziro's escape. She hoped their meeting would be short and sweet, as she needed to get their attention and update them on what she had learned.

She sighed with relief when Quinlon whispered something to Obi-Wan and the two men excused themselves. They were walking out the door and for a moment she thought about simply slinking out after them. But that could either blow her cover, or mark her as a snitch or informant. Neither would be ideal in Hutt space. So she did what she had seen the other girls do.

"Hello gentlemen, leaving already?" she purred at them before they could leave, grabbing Obi-Wan's arm possessively, hoping to get him close enough to whisper what she had learned.

Obi-Wan, whom she had seen react on instinct to multiple droid attacks and blasters all at once, could only stare at her, a stunned expression on his face that could only be described as the abject terror felt by a sea animal when it finds itself inexplicably and suddenly on land.

Seeing that Obi-Wan was not about to recover the ability to converse with her any time soon, Quinlon saved them by taking her arm off of her Master's and placing it on his own.

"He's not that kind of Jedi sweetheart," he replied, wrapping his other arm around her shoulders and walking with her out of the room while Obi-Wan trailed behind them. Quinlon led her into a questionably dark hallway, and blocked her from sight with his body.

"Won't they find this suspicious?" asked Ani, wondering how many Jedi left the Hutt Council with dancing girls on their arms.

"Not from me," replied Quinlon and Ani felt her face coloring. He leaned towards her, and she almost pulled away from him. He smiled and then leaned towards her ear.

"What did you learn Ani?" he whispered.

"Ziro was here, at the council. They are holding him in their prison now, but he's dating the singer and she's planning on breaking him out," she whispered back. "In fact she may have already broken him out."

"Good job," he whispered. Then louder, "Head back to my ship sweetheart, and I'll meet you there in a few minutes." Then he slapped her ass and Ani realized in shock that he was dismissing her. She wanted to help them. She was about to argue but Quinlon whispered that it might be good to have the ship ready just in case they caused a diplomatic incident. _And you'll only distract Obi-Wan if you stay_ he added as she left.

XOXOXO

About fifteen minutes after she got to the ship Obi-Wan and Quinlon joined her. They did not seem to be running for their lives so that was the first good sign. And Obi-Wan seemed like himself again – focused on the mission.

"The singer is double crossing him," declared Obi-Wan. "She was hired by Jabba to track down a holo-diary that Ziro kept of all the Hutt's criminal activities."

"How do you know that?" asked Ani, looking between the two Jedi in surprise.

"We saw her break him out of prison and she made the mistake of touching the bars," Quinlon replied. Which made little sense to her. She looked to Obi-Wan.

"Psychometry," he explained, "When Quinlon touches things he can sense the motives and feelings of those who last touched them."

Ani paled. _How much had she unintentionally revealed to him?_

"Why didn't you arrest them?" she asked Obi-Wan, trying not to dwell on Quinlon's skills.

"There's the small issue that the Hutts are our allies in the war and if we apprehend Ziro from their prison it puts us at odds with them," he replied. "So we'll follow up off world and arrest them the next chance we get."

"And why just bring back Ziro when we could bring back his diary as well?" added Quinlon, winking at her.

XOXOXO

Ani felt dejected. They had managed to fail their mission completely. After a cat and mouse chase they had finally tracked down both Ziro, the singer Sy Snootles and the famous holo-diary. Ziro had hid the diary at his father's secret grave on Teth. They had been in the process of taking both offenders into custody when Cad Bane showed up unexpectedly and shot Ziro dead. In the resulting confusion the diary had ended up shot, and Cad Bane escaped.

So they finished their mission with one escaped bounty hunter, a dead Hutt, and a destroyed diary.

They did manage to haul in Sy Snootles who was loudly lamenting, all the bloody way to Coruscant, that she was an innocent woman whose only crime was falling in love with the wrong man. She was still lamenting this loudly when they passed her off to the clone troopers to take into Republic custody.

As she stared up at the temple she was glad she didn't have to accompany Quinlon Vos and Obi-Wan to report to the council. Or spend another minute with Sy.

"Ani can I speak to you for a few moments?" asked Quinlon as they entered the temple together. Obi-Wan shot them a questioning glance. "You go ahead to the council Obi-Wan, I want to speak with Ani alone."

Obi-Wan seemed troubled by his words, but nodded and headed off.

She looked up at Quinlon expectantly. She was half expecting an inspiring lecture after their lack lustre performance. Another part of her was hoping he was going to offer to help her with meditation again.

"Don't tell Obi-Wan but I switched out the holo-diary," he admitted instead, pulling something out of his pocket to briefly show her before putting it quickly back. "The one they destroyed was my decoy."

Ani felt her hopes flare. But why didn't he want Obi-Wan to know?

"What are you doing to do with it?" she asked.

"Nothing. I suspect if I handed it over to the council now they would give it to the Republic and it would be conveniently lost. I'll just keep it safe for now. And someday, when the Republic is no longer in bed with the devil perhaps I'll use it to bring down the Hutts for good."

She smiled at the thought.

"And perhaps there will be a Knight Skywalker around to help me do it?"

Ani would like nothing more.

End Chapter 3


	5. Chapter 4 - The Clone Wars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan goes to Mandalore, he leaves Ani behind because of reasons....

Chapter 4

"I was pleased, but surprised to find you on Coruscant Ani. I thought Knight Kenobi was dispatched to Mandalore?"

Ani smiled uneasily at Palpatine and tried to think of a response. It was an innocent question, and yet one that touched a nerve. Obi-Wan had uncharacteristically left her behind, claiming that he wanted to minimize Republic involvement since he was traveling to an independent system. She couldn't help feeling that the true reason he left her behind was he wanted a break from her. But she couldn't figure out why. Was it because their last mission ended poorly? But that hadn't been her fault…..

No matter what the reason he left her, _it hurt._

She had tried to make the most of her time alone on Coruscant. She sought out Master Vos for a meditation session, but got roped into attending with Yoda instead. While Vos made her feel she could master her weaknesses, Yoda made her feel like she had to hide them under a veil of self-denial. After finishing meditating she headed straight to the fighting rooms, only to sneak away when she saw Master Windu was the only Jedi there. He was a great fighter, and she had to admit he had taught her a lot. But she was feeling in a mood already, and did not want more of her flaws exposed.

She unconsciously wondered out of the Jedi temple and ended up in front of the senate building. She did not realize until she entered that she was looking for Padmé. For a friendly face that would understand if she ranted about Obi-Wan leaving her behind, about Yoda making her feel like an inadequate Jedi, about Mace's….

She found Palpatine instead.

Palpatine who greeted her kindly and wondered why such a talented padawan wasn't out helping their Republic. Palpatine who was glad to see her, and encouraged her to accept his standing invitation to the opera that evening. He was polite and fatherly the whole time, and all the reservations she had earlier seemed stupid now.

And that's how she now found herself sitting beside the Chancellor in his private box watching the opera.

"You seem distracted my dear," he observed, though he did not seem upset. He seemed genuinely concerned with her state of mind.

"I'm sorry Chancellor," she apologized, folding her hands in her lap, "I feel like I'm not living up to Master Obi-Wan's expectations. I suspect I've been left out of his mission to Mandalore due our recent failures."

"You mean that thing with Ziro the Hutt?" Palpatine asked in surprise, "A dead Hutt is not a great loss Ani," he comforted her. She agreed with him, but something about his callous disregard for life, even a _Hutts_ , and her agreement with his sentiments left her feeling adrift.

"Any life is precious to Obi-Wan," she countered, finding herself wishing she could be more like Obi-Wan and less like Palpatine in this regard.

"Yes, but we are more pragmatic than that, Ani. We know not all lives are worth sparing, that there are sacrifices that must be made for the greater good of the Republic. And even Obi-Wan was not able to prevent Cad Bane from shooting Niro, so I hardly think his leaving you behind has anything to do with your performance. I suspect it's more likely he means to spend time catching up with the Duchess of Mandalore."

Ani looked at Palpatine in shock. "I didn't even know Obi-Wan knew the Duchess," she replied without thinking.

Palpatine gave her a pitying look that made her feel like she didn't know her master at all. "He and Master Jinn were assigned to protect her during the Mandalorian civil wars. I am told the two grew _quite close,_ " he replied.

Ani nodded, feeling blindsided by the implication of Palpatine's words. Her impression of Obi-Wan as the perfect stoic Jedi Knight rapidly shifted with the implication he had a romantic relationship. She burned with curiosity, wanting to ask more. But it was hardly appropriate for her to gossip with the chancellor about a fellow Jedi.

"The Jedi rules on attachment are so strange to an outsider," Palpatine continued, "To block passion from your life seems a most contradictory thing. I do believe it would be wiser if they admitted when they were in love instead of ….."

Had Obi-Wan been _in love_ with the Duchess? Her Obi-Wan? The one who lectured her on attachment on a regular basis?

"Don't you think Ani?"

Ani realized she had completely tuned out everything the chancellor said after he implied Obi-Wan had been in love. Not wanting to admit to her distraction, she smiled and nodded hoping she was not agreeing to anything too inappropriate.

"Yes, I thought you would agree," Palpatine replied, a satisfied smile on his face as he turned back to the opera, the intermission ending.

Ani pretended to focus on the opera but couldn't. Obi-Wan had left her behind. But not because she was a failure. He left her behind because he was! He had gotten himself attached to a politician and did not want her to find out his fault…. She was momentarily giddy with the thought until she realized that perhaps he went alone so he could resume his affair with the Duchess.

XOXOXO

"I will never be a part of this war."

Ani watched the other woman walk away from her Master and unto the opulent transport. The woman was very beautiful, very sophisticated and very pacifist. The Duchess Satine definitely seemed like the type that could win Obi-Wan's heart if anyone could. But at that moment they seemed like they were barely tolerating each other.

"Reporting for escort duty Master," she greeted friendlily, suddenly pitying Obi-Wan for the broken heart she imagined he was hiding under his exhausted appearing face.

Obi-Wan looked momentarily surprised by her presence, which was somewhat insulting considering he should have easily sensed her proximity through their bond. But then, he had not expected her to be on Mandalore, and had purposefully tried to leave her behind. Only Palpatine suspected the Duchess was either going to be attacked by, or was in league with the Separatists. When he learned Obi-Wan planned to bring her to Coruscant he suggested Ani join the transport party as additional security and to ensure Obi-Wan's objectivity…. _People sometimes do stupid things when they're in love_ had been his exact comment.

"By whose authorization?" Obi-Wan asked, a frustrated look on his face that made Ani feel even more unwelcome. She had foolishly hoped he would be happy to see her.

"The Jedi Council on the Chancellor's suggestion," Ani replied calmly, releasing her hurt feelings to the force. She would focus on her mission and show Obi-Wan that she could be a competent Jedi if nothing else.

Obi-Wan stared at her quietly for a few minutes, fleeting emotions passing over his face.

"Does he want you to protect her or spy on her?" he finally asked, a concerned look on his face.

"Both," she replied honestly.

Obi-Wan nodded, and gestured for her to follow him onto the transport.

XOXOXO

Ani watched as Obi-Wan argued with the Duchess. In place of the usual calm negotiator there was a passionate man arguing that there were things in life worth fighting for. She thought sadly that perhaps this was his true self. A part of him outside his role as a Jedi Knight, a part that only the Duchess could bring out. What had Palpatine said about passion? She could not recall and Obi-Wan's argument with the Duchess became so heated that one of the independent Senators traveling with them suggested they excuse themselves until dinner time.

Ani followed Obi-Wan down the hallway and into their assigned quarters upon the ship. There were a few security holos on the desk for them to review and Obi-Wan glanced at them momentarily before turning to Ani, looking like he was trying to explain his earlier outburst with the Duchess.

"Palpatine told me that you care for her," she admitted before he could think of an excuse. "He didn't know if you could be non-biased. That's why he asked me to join you."

Obi-Wan nodded at the words, looking like he had a million things to say but didn't know where to start.

"Is that why you left me behind?" she asked, immediately regretting her words. Why had she asked such a self-absorbed question when Obi-Wan was obviously going through some sort of romantic crisis? He didn't lecture her though, only looked startled, opening his mouth to reply before shutting it again.

"It's okay if you wanted to be alone with her," Ani continued, realizing she ought to be more mindful of how Obi-Wan must be feeling. "I understand having feelings that are hard to overcome. Palpatine says that passion is a normal human emotion."

XOXOXO

It was a horrible thing to realize that his padawan was under the impression that he came to Mandalore without her so he could rekindle an elicit romance with the Duchess. It was something else entirely he felt recognizing the hints of jealousy in her question.

"I…" but what could he say about leaving her behind? He couldn't tell her that Satine knew him well. That Satine would observe the way he acted around her and realize something he didn't want anyone else to know. And of course there was the complication that he still loved Satine as well. She was the great passion of his youth, and that is not something you ever got over, even if the feelings faded with time.

Ani was looking at him waiting for some sort of explanation. As he tried to think of a suitable version of the truth to tell her, the rest of what she said suddenly sunk in.

"You spent time with Palpatine while you were in Coruscant?" he asked, only a tad better at hiding his jealousy than Ani had been at hiding hers. And why in the world did Palpatine know about his feelings for Satine? And why would he even tell Ani if he did? Did he mean to fill the girl's head with romantic notions of forbidden Jedi and politician liaisons? And what business did he have talking with her about passion?!

"Don't change the subject," Ani retorted.

"I am not," he countered, feeling that he had regained the high ground. "If you are going to ask me about my elicit relationships I have the right to ask you about yours."

Ani looked completely scandalized by his words. "I only went to the opera with the chancellor, I didn't fall in love with him," she defended.

"But you talked about passion with him," Obi-Wan pointed out, " _And did you wear the dress_?"

Ani momentarily turned away, looking as if she was not going to dignify his question with an answer. And she probably shouldn't have. But he glared at her, the look an unseen challenge that she rose up to meet. "Of course I wore it, I couldn't wear my Jedi robes," she snapped back her eyes glinting.

He was not sure what he would have said to that. It would have been nothing good. Thankfully his need to reply was lost due to a persistent beeping from his communicator.

"There's a disturbance in the storage area," reported the clone trooper, who appeared to be fighting off swarms of small killer robots.

"I'll go check on it," declared Ani, bolting quickly out of the room, "You can go check on the Duchess," she added before slamming the door.

Well that had gone terribly. But he supposed Ani thinking he was having an affair with the Duchess was preferable to her knowing the truth.

XOXOXO

Ani was a little over enthusiastic in her dispatching of the thousands of tiny assassin droids she found in the cargo section of the ship. One of the Senators on board must have signed for them according to the ship's protocol droid, and she had commed Obi-Wan the information. Now that she had dispensed of the droids, she supposed she should go help Obi-Wan suss out the identify of their traitor. But he was no doubt doing better recognizance without her and she should probably stay on the cargo level anyway just to make sure nothing else was hiding there. She certainly wasn't hiding from Obi-Wan.

Just when she decided she better make her way back upstairs to dinner she felt the ship lurch forward, flinging herself into the side of the ship. She was barely back on her feet when Obi-Wan's frantic message came.

"Ani, it's Senator Merrick, he's kidnapped Satine and dispatched pods of battle droids unto the ship."

He ended the message abruptly, no doubt rushing off to save his lady love. She rushed off as well. Running up the stairs only to be blocked from reaching Obi-Wan by a whole swarm of battle droids. Thankfully they were her specialty, and she dispatched a dozen on her own before joining the clone troopers who were eagerly shooting them down beside her.

They had cleared several hallways of droids before she spotted Merrick's back at the end of one of them. She gestured quietly for the clone troopers to continue on in a different direction as she crept closer to Merrick. Her first instinct was to run up and apprehend him but he was speaking with two others who she realized were her Master and the Duchess. Both looked quite concerned but were doing nothing. Then she noticed the switch in his hand and realized why.

"I'll blow the Coronet to bits," she heard Merrick say, before going into an oddly confident rant that Obi-Wan wouldn't kill him because it would turn the Duchess against him. Did the Senator really think that Obi-Wan would let them all die because he didn't want to lose the love of one woman? It was a preposterous thought. But his overconfidence allowed her to sneak up behind him.

She paused for a half second as she reached for her light saber. But Palpatine told her she was the pragmatic one. The one who could make hard decisions for the Republic and not regret them. So she plunged her light saber into Merrick. To save the coronet. Another voice whispered that she did it for Obi-Wan. To save him the pain of compromising his ideals and losing the respect of the woman he loved. She ignored that thought and grabbed the falling detonator.

"Ani," Obi-Wan lamented, a regretful tone to his voice.

"He was going to blow up the ship," she replied, turning off her light saber, trying to ignore the horrible smell of burnt flesh and the memories it brought.

Satine glared from her to Obi-Wan, an unreadable look passing between her Master and his Duchess. "I must get back to the business of diplomacy," she declared walking off to leave them alone.

Obi-Wan sighed and Ani followed him back to their assigned room on the transport.

"I…" she started after a few moments of suffocating silence.

"You did what you had to," he stated as he took the detonator out of her hand and scanned it before sitting down and getting to work at ensuring it was fully de-activated. When he finished his task he finally looked up at her again.

"Ani, it's not easy being a Jedi. There are days you won't want to wear your Jedi robes, and follow our rules. But you can't forget what you are. Jedi are servants of peace, of the force. We cannot be swayed by our attachments. We cannot let love divert us from doing what is best. And we are told this so many times because it one of the hardest lessons to learn. To let go of the people we love. To treat them as we treat everyone else and walk away."

Perhaps Obi-Wan would not have let his love for Satine endanger all the occupants on the ship. But Ani suddenly realized that she was not like Obi-Wan. She would put everything on the line for someone she loved. She would have done anything to save her mother. The danger of love suddenly seemed readily apparent as she stood on the ship that was still in one piece.

"I think I will have to endeavor to never fall in love at all then Master," she admitted softly. "I don't think I could be as strong as you. I could never love someone so intensely and just let them go."

End Chapter 4


	6. Chapter 5 - The Clone Wars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ani is knighted and assigned a new mission. She panics and Obi-Wan tries to comfort her and manages to make it worse.

Chapter 5

"Knight Skywalker," greeted Mace tersely as she walked into the Jedi council chambers at the break of dawn. Obi-Wan sat beside him, stifling a yawn while still looking remarkably qualified despite it being his first full day as a Jedi Master. She wanted to smile at him, or better yet stick out her tongue to break his stoic façade, but the presence of the other Masters kept her expression serious. Though she swore she saw Master Yoda sticking his tongue out at her from her peripheral vision.

"As you are more than aware Ani, the clone wars have put a strain on our order," began Mace, his tone seeming to imply she was somehow responsible for their situation. "Now that you have been knighted you need to take on your role as a General in the Grand Army of the Republic."

Ani kept herself from frowning, not liking how Mace was making her feel like she was shirking her duties when she had been knighted yesterday, and came for her assignment first thing this morning.

"As such the Jedi Council is granting you leadership of the 501st. Their clone captain, Rex, has been promoted to Commander and will assist you with your next mission. You should liaise with him as soon as possible, as we expect you to deploy by mid-day tomorrow."

Ani schooled her features and ignored her racing heart at the assignment. She chanced a glance at Obi-Wan, hoping for one of his trade mark encouraging smiles. She was surprised to see Obi-Wan openly glaring at Mace instead. The 501st had been grounded for the assassination of their Jedi General Krell. Rumors were flying about what exactly had happened, but Krell's young padawan Commander and the Clone Troopers accounts both implicated Krell as a dark Jedi who sabotaged their unit to side with the separatists. The 501st and Commander Tano had been grounded pending new assignments.

"The unfortunate issue with their former leader, the rogue Jedi Krell, has sparked a rumor that the 501st is in league with the separatists. We are choosing to take advantage of this unfortunate circumstance and you have been assigned an undercover mission in deep separatist space. Commander Rex will provide you with additional details."

Ani felt overwhelmed but forced down her emotions and nodded at Mace. Obi Wan did not.

"With all due respect Master Windu, are we sure that Commander Rex and the 501st aren't actually in league with the separatists? I am not one to defend Krell but he did end up dead at the hands of his troops with only a padawan's testimony exonerating them."

Master Windu shot Obi-Wan an aggravated scowl. It was the type of look that would have Ani looking at her feet, but Obi-Wan held his gaze.

"Of course we have our concerns _Master_ Kenobi. Which is why we have separated the 501st and Padawan Tano. Should the 501st not be loyal to the Republic Skywalker will do what is necessary. Her actions on the Coronet prove that she is capable of dealing with a mutiny in space, and her piloting skills are second to none."

Obi-Wan looked like he wanted to argue but what could he say? Argue that they shouldn't send out a newly minted General with potential Jedi killers? After all they had just sent out a young Padawan with a rogue Jedi. And Obi-Wan could hardly argue that she was not experienced without insulting both herself, the council that had granted her knighthood, and his own teachings which had earned him the rank of Master.

"What will happen to Padawan Tano?" asked Plo Koon, breaking Mace and Obi-Wan out of their deadlocked glare.

"She will be reassigned to Master Kenobi," declared Mace, and by the look on her former Master's face this was likely the first time he had heard of it. He did not seem overly pleased by the announcement and for some strange reason that made her feel relieved.

A few minutes later she was dismissed.

She walked out of the council chambers in a daze. She knew that in theory she was ready for this. She had already been fighting this war for years. She knew how to handle herself in battle, and had led the 212th into battle on many occasions when Obi-Wan was otherwise engaged. But he had never been far. And he'd always had her back. Now she would be the one making all the calls. Responsible for decisions that could get herself or other people killed. That could potentially win or lose the war.

Her heart started beating faster, her breathing started feeling smothery.

There was so much to do before tomorrow. She needed to pack. She needed to meet with Rex. To strategize. But with whom? Her clone troopers could be her enemies.

She felt her head start to spin, her lungs growing tight.

How? How did she prepare herself for this?

She needed to escape. To go somewhere no one would see her. Or perhaps she could run to the senate and ask Padmé how she was brave enough to face the Trade Federation when she was only 14. Or she could seek out Palpatine and his words of reassurance that she could do anything. But she didn't want them to see her weak. She thought of going to the room of a thousand fountains and hiding out amongst the tranquil waters, but she wasn't sure if it was the most appropriate place for her racing emotions. Not when she felt like she needed to blow something up.

She was about to dart away in no particular direction when she looked up and saw Obi-Wan standing in front of her.

"Are you okay?" he asked, placing his hand on her shoulder, his eyes full of concern for her.

She tried to nod but only succeeded in looking at him with panicked eyes.

He didn't say anything. He just turned her around and led her into a small room near the Jedi council chambers. It must have been made for intimate meetings as there was a small table in the centre of the room and a small kitchenette in the corner. Obi-Wan gestured for her to sit down in one of the comfortable chairs and neither spoke as Obi-Wan prepared the tea.

"I'm a little overwhelmed," she admitted when he sat down beside her. She did not look at him as she spoke, but stared into the cup of herbal tea in her hand. Obi-Wan sat across from her, studying his own cup of tea.

"That's understandable Ani," he finally replied between sips of tea. "I must admit I would have preferred your first mission wasn't spying on the enemy far away from Coruscant." His voice was laced with worry for her which had the paradoxical effect of easing her own fears. "I would have liked to keep an eye on you a bit longer. To make sure you were safe, that you were adjusting to the transition. Maybe try to arrange things so we do a few joint missions together."

There was a soft wistfulness in his voice she so rarely heard. She found herself wishing things could be the way he said. Wishing that he would convince the council that they were better together.

"But this is war," he said, as if interrupting himself, a firm edge replacing the previous tenderness. "And the council needs us to take on these roles."

She flinched at his tone, ashamed she had been wishing for the easy way out. She could do this. She had to do it. For the Republic, and the greater good of the galaxy. She was a full Jedi now. But her new resolve could not remove all of her doubts.

"Am I truly ready Obi-Wan? I feel like they only knighted me because they needed a General for the 501st and a new Master for Tano."

She knew from the look on his face that her Master had the same thoughts about their sudden promotions. It made her feel sick. She had worked so long to be a Jedi Knight and accomplishing her goal seemed tainted now. Something done out of necessity, not something that she truly deserved. Her actions on the Coronet were not honourable – yes she saved the ship - but only by attacking a man from behind. She should not have been knighted for it. She hadn't earned her status, at least not how she wanted to earn it. The rank of Jedi somehow seemed tarnished to her now.

Obi-Wan sighed slowly, and she waited for a pep talk. Some inspiring words on how she had earned her knighthood in a million other ways. What he did say surprised her.

"I asked myself a very similar question when Master Qui Gon died. If I was truly ready, or if they just decided to knight me because no one else wanted to finish my training."

Ani looked at Obi-Wan in shock. He had always seemed so confident and sure of himself. The textbook Jedi knight earning his status by defeating the first Sith Lord in a century.

"You aren't the only one who doubts themselves Ani," he replied to the incredulous look on her face. "In fact until five minutes ago I worried you didn't doubt yourself enough. But do not doubt for one moment that you have earned your status as a knight. Thousands of people are alive because of your actions in the war."

"But what about those who are dead because of me?" she asked before she could think better of it.

Obi Wan smiled sadly, looked like he wanted to reply but gave no answer. He just patted her shoulder as he stood up from the table. "You are a knight now Ani. You will find your way like I did. Just trust your instincts and the force to tell you what is right. It has been an honour being your Master."

And it hit suddenly hit her as he walked towards the door. This was goodbye. Obi-Wan was leaving. He was getting a new padawan, she was getting her own troop. He wasn't her master anymore, the 212th were not her men. _Obi-Wan was leaving._

"That's your goodbye?" she blurted out, angrily.

She thought she had been scared before. But now she felt a different kind of panic looking at Obi-Wan's back. A panic that swirled her insides and made her eyes water. She knew she would see Obi-Wan around the temple, and from time to time when the council called for her. But they would all be brief moments. They would never be like this again. He wouldn't drink tea with her and give advice. They wouldn't tease each other on long rides through space. He wouldn't meditate with her to help ease her fears. He wouldn't be there acting as her external conscious.

"I still need you," she whispered, knowing he heard her as his hand briefly paused on the door knob.

"You never needed me Ani," he replied, opening the door and walking out.


	7. Chapter 6 - The Clones Wars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ani is out in deep space with the 501st while Obi-Wan and Ahsoka get stuck in the inner rim.

Chapter 6

"I hope you're finally satisfied I'm not trying to kill you," Ani muttered as she successfully navigated their transport ship through the debris field. Rex nodded at her words but was too busy manning the guns and scanning for active ships to respond. Despite the rocky beginning to their working relationship an impressive partnership was developing between the General and her Commander.

"At least not without getting yourself killed too," Rex responded dryly once they were past the majority of the debris that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere.

"What does it take to earn your trust?" she queried, turning around to shoot Rex an arrogant grin. He was about to respond but Hawk cut him off.

"We know you're not like General Krell Ani," he reassured her from the co-pilot seat.

She turned back toward him and genuinely smiled, happy for his words of support. She was afraid he would resent her for relegating him to the co-pilot position. Hawk was an amazing pilot, but she doubted someone who wasn't force sensitive would have been be able to navigate them through that scene. It looked like they had landed in the middle of a large space battle. One with no survivors she could detect.

She stood up then, stretching her legs and trying to shake off her uneasiness as she approached Rex who looked equally worried. Hawk ignored them and took the opportunity to reclaim the pilot's seat.

"Do you sense anything?" Rex asked her as she scanned the horizon. "Were those separatist ships?"

She shrugged. If the debris had once been ships they had been obliterated, and there was no way to tell whose side they had been on. "I don't sense anything," she responded uneasily. Though it wasn't entirely true. It was as if she sensed nothing, a large void in space.

"Excuse me," interjected Hawk from the pilot's seat, "I don't mean to interrupt, but the navigation systems are blank. They seem to be working, but they aren't picking up our location."

Ani looked at Hawk in alarm, their navigation system was supposed to include all of the known galaxy. She went over and tried hitting some buttons to bring it back online again but Hawk was right. Everything appeared to be working but their location was not registering. Then she looked down at the comm link on her arm. It was completely dead too.

"Just great," she mumbled, before reminding herself that she still had the force. She tried reaching out again but felt her heart sink as a boundless emptiness greeted her. She was about to give up in frustration when she felt something. Something on the edge of the emptiness. It pulled at her and she pushed back at it. The shock waves that rammed back at her through the force made her physically sway.

"What did you sense?" asked Rex in alarm, standing up quickly and rushing to her side, looking like he was prepared to catch her should she faint. She wasn't entirely sure she wouldn't.

"I…" she started, but she couldn't explain what she felt in words. The force beckoned to her again and she opened herself up to it, this time prepared for the intense rush that engulfed her. It was like her senses were singing and a strange desire overcame her.

"I have to go," she said simply as she opened her eyes. Both Rex and Hawk looked at her in alarm.

"What do you mean General?" Rex probed, "There's nowhere to go. We've lost all navigation and you can't mean to go out there on your own. It looks like multiple star destroyers simultaneously exploded."

She looked at them. "I can't explain it. But I have to follow my instincts. I'm going to take a shuttle and ….." she paused looking at the incredulous expressions on her troopers faces. And their fear. She could not tell if it was worry for her, for themselves or for their mission.

"I think it's an aberration in the force that caused this. And it's calling to me. I don't know what it wants, but I don't think we'll be allowed to leave until I go," she explained, wondering if what she was saying was the truth. It felt like it.

"And what should we do while you're out investigating this aberration?" asked Rex uneasily.

She took in a deep breath, wondering what would be best. She could order them to continue with their mission of infiltrating the separatists. But it was dangerous, and while she didn't doubt Rex's loyalty she could not guarantee everyone in the 501st was as loyal. However, sending them back to Coruscant with an incomplete mission and missing their Jedi would no doubt cause issues as well.

"Wait as long as it's safe to do so," she answered tentatively. "But if the navigation comes back online and I don't return within 48 hours I want you to return to Coruscant."

Neither Rex nor Hawk looked happy with those orders.

"And what do we tell the Jedi if we return without another General?" asked Rex, obviously anticipating the same issues she had.

"I will give you a holo-recording to present to the Jedi Council and Chancellor Palpatine," she declared, hoping it would be enough. She wondered fleetingly if she should make a holo-recording for Obi-Wan as well. Then she shrugged off the idea. What would she say? If she didn't make it back he would get the recording that the rest of the council received. He hadn't contacted her since her deployment and it was clear that she was nothing more to him now than another member of the Jedi order.

XOXOXOXO

Obi-Wan was tired.

He and his padawan had been dispatched from Coruscant a month ago to the inner rim. And while he knew that their missions were important to help ensure each planet felt protected as part of the Republic they were hardly the type of missions he longed for. He would much prefer to be tracking down General Grievous or Count Dooku. Doing something that would challenge his skills as a general. Something that would keep his thoughts from wandering.

But the council felt that Padawan Tano had been through enough with General Krell and that some time dealing with relatively minor issues would be beneficial. So instead of helping to win a war they were busy dispatching a handful of droids that had been sent to try and sabotage the factories in Riosa's manufacturing district. He got the distinct impression that his Padawan was about as impressed with these assignments as he was.

Obi-Wan watched Ahsoka's back as she worked quickly to dispatch the droids, but there was so little chance of them outgunning her and Cody that his thoughts drifted to his former padawan. Where was she now? Was she doing okay? She had to be, she was Ani - but something was making him feel uneasy. He wanted to comm her, to ask how her mission was going. But he knew she was possibly undercover with the separatists now, and besides, he needed to let her go. So he slipped his hand away from his comm for the thousandth time.

He re-focused his thoughts on Ahsoka. She still seemed to trust Cody more than himself. He understood it after her experiences but it still irritated him a bit. Though in all fairness it was Cody at her side now. Or at least he had been. Obi-Wan looked around to see where his Commander had gone, only to realize he was approaching him.

"General Kenobi, we have cleared the rest of the droids and are awaiting your next instructions," Cody declared, standing at attention, waiting for his General's orders.

Obi-Wan nodded. Ani wouldn't have waited for his command after clearing the droids, she would be rushing into the factories, checking for injured workers and chastising him to get over there to help her.

He did not realize he had voiced his thoughts out loud until Cody frowned at him. "With all due respect General, you are too hard on Commander Tano. I have heard that Jedi Krell was very exacting, and not tolerant of operating outside of official orders."

Obi-Wan nodded. He knew Cody was right. He was hard on Ahsoka – but he was a Jedi Master now and imagined that he ought to be strict and aloof. He didn't want to make the same mistakes he had made with Ani. He had been too lenient with her at times – questioning his right to teach the chosen one anything - and later his attachment had complicated things further. She turned out to be a very competent knight but sometimes he thought it was in spite of him instead of because of him.

"Clear the factory and ensure the workers aren't in any danger," he ordered. "But do so quickly, we are leaving for Coruscant before dusk," he nodded.

Cody nodded and quickly returned to Tano. He sighed, resolving to be a bit kinder when they got to Coruscant. Perhaps take her to Dex's to celebrate their successful missions before they received their new assignment. Windu had been reticent about the details, only implying that it had something to do with protecting the Chancellor. For once Obi-Wan found himself grateful that Ani was far from Coruscant. He had no doubt that Palpatine would have requested her to protect him had she been there.

XOXOXOXO

Ani wasn't sure when she had fallen asleep. But it was disturbing to know that she had drifted off while piloting her shuttle through unknown space. But she supposed it didn't matter, the will of the force had brought her here. She just didn't know where here was.

She pushed up the top of her shuttle and stepped out unto the lush planet. There was green everywhere, covering the mountains floating in the distance and surrounding the waterfalls cascading down around them. She could hear animals singing but couldn't see a single one. Her senses felt both sharpened and dulled.

"Welcome child," greeted a soft voice from behind her.

Ani turned around and looked at the woman behind her in shock. The woman's appearance brought to mind smugglers' tales of the angels of Iego and she wondered for a moment if that's where she was. But even her dulled senses knew it was not as simple as that.

"So powerful and yet but a child. The child who must find her balance before her fate becomes that of the galaxy. Will you be the creator? Or the destroyer?"

Ani frowned at the woman's words. She wanted to answer but she wasn't sure how. And despite the unsettling nature of her question Ani quickly felt a peacefulness overcome her. She followed behind the other woman, not questioning why. They walked for an immeasurable amount of time before Ani saw an elaborate structure far in the distance. But within a few steps the entryway stood directly in front of them.

"My father's monastery," the woman spoke, stopping so that Ani now stood beside her. "We must go in, for my brother will be looking for you."

Ani felt a shiver go through her at the woman's words, and yet there was something else too. A deep longing that she could not explain. The woman took her by the hand so they could walk into the monastery together, but before they crossed the threshold a man stepped out from behind one of the elaborate columns surrounding the entryway.

The man took advantage of their momentary shock and grabbed her other hand, preventing her from entering the building. She stared at him in awe. He was as attractive as the woman but in the opposite way. He was tall, dark featured and clothed all in black. Where the woman projected lightness and calm he projected darkness and passion. She found herself staring at him despite her better instincts.

"You're attracted to him aren't you?" the woman asked sadly, looking from Ani to the man.

The man smiled at the woman, but leaned towards her. "You are mine," he whispered in her ear, a possessiveness in his tone that sent goosebumps down her spine. He scared her. And yet part of her wanted to shake off the woman's hand and go with him.

"She will learn to control you and not the other way around," declared a third voice, finally pulling her attention away from the dark man. The voice belonged to a wise appearing older man who stood in the doorway of the building she had been about to enter.

"You are like us Ani Skwyalker," he declared looking at her and then at both the man and the woman standing on either side of her, still grasping her hands. "You are one of the force's children. But you are neither light like my daughter nor dark like my son. You are a balance between the two, a tipping point. And if you come within I will teach you how to maintain that balance."

A part of her had always known that this day was coming. The day when the force would come for her, and she would need to face the reality of a prophecy she spent her life trying to disregard. But she wasn't ready yet. She still had too much to do.

"I need to go home, I have a mission, there's a war, they need my help," she protested.

The father smiled benevolently at her. "The war within is the only one you need to win child."

She felt it keenly then. The daughter and the son pulling at her hands. The daughter towards her father's house. The son somewhere else. She tried to pull her arms free but they only clutched at her more tightly. She didn't want to go with either of them. She needed to go back to her men.

"I don't want to be the a tipping point," she protested, pushing out with all her strength, finally able to pull her arms free from the children and slowly back away from the monastery.

"If you cannot find balance I cannot let you go," said the father sternly, pulling her towards him easily where his children had failed. "The balance is stronger than either the dark or the light. The balance is love and hate, war and peace, creation and destruction. When you can find the light even at the darkest of times then you will be ready."

"Don't be scared Ani, we want to help you. Teach you," soothed the daughter, tentatively taking her hand again. Ani felt the peace wash over her once more.

But then the daughter let go and the brother grabbed her hand roughly. "They will never let you leave," he whispered to her. "They wish to control you. To keep you here forever. They will never let you return to the life you came from."

He grasped her by both hands then and pulled her body roughly up against his own. He smiled down at her and her heart raced. "I know this because my father keeps me here. But we could escape together Ani. We would be strong enough for anything together. No one could ever hurt you again and I would never leave you."

Ani felt herself attracted to him and his promises. But he reminded her of something else too, or maybe it was someone and a nagging uncomfortable feeling that she shouldn't ignore….. She pulled away from him suddenly and turned to the father.

"I want to go home," she repeating, knowing what she had to do, "But if I come with you now, can I go home when I'm done?"

The brother sneered at her question. She looked at him and he was suddenly ugly where he had been handsome a moment before. She could sense his ill intentions and tried to take a step away from him, but he was beside her before she could even move, pushing her so roughly that she fell unto the dirt where a moment before there had been lush grass.

"You want to go home? To be a weak pathetic being living a pitiful life?" he yelled at her from above. Then he leaned down towards her, his eyes sparkling with malevolence. She was scrambling to pull herself up but he grabbed her arms and forced her back unto the ground.

"I'll show you what that life has in store for you," he mocked as he held her down, carefully grasping her arms and kneeling on her thighs so she could not move. She tried to head bunt him but he dodged the blow and quickly grabbed her hair. Then he forcibly jerked her head towards his and brought her lips to his own.

With one arm free she tried desperately to push him away. But he was too strong when he was angry and she was angry too. And why weren't they helping her?

Then the images came.

And suddenly she wasn't kissing him anymore. She was kissing another. Another that she loved so much that it physically hurt her. She grasped him tighter then, afraid that he was going to go away again. But as soon as she grasped him tighter the image faded. And more came flying through her mind. Each more horrifying than the last. Until she was desperately trying to pull away from the brother and her swirling emotions. But she couldn't. He had her in his grasp and it seemed that there was no escape from him and this horrible future.

_Leia, NO!_

"No," Ani screamed out loud, finally pulling away from the brother. "No," she screamed louder, and he stumbled backwards from the force of her emotions.

"That's not my future," she protested trying to clear the images from her mind. They were all so jumbled, and there was so little that she could make sense of. But the woman she saw clearly. Leia her mind sang. But the beautiful face was pulled into a snarl, the hand holding a red saber. It sank into his heart before she could stop her.

"I can give you a better life than that," the brother promised, handsome once again as he held out his hand to her.

"No," Ani screamed at him. "That's not my future. I won't let it be. I won't let that happen to them."

The daughter pushed her brother away then, and took Ani's hand, pulling her out of the dirt. She walked with her towards the door of the monastery, the brother still stalking them.

"Go home Ani," said the father suddenly, pushing his children into the monastery and slamming the door shut. "Your love is stronger than your hate. That will be your balance. There is nothing more I could teach you."

"It won't happen will it?" she asked him, suddenly wishing to go inside, to find the peace they had been offering, to stop the memories rushing around inside her.

"I can't say Ani," replied the father from the doorway as it slowly closed behind him. "You will make your own future. And you may destroy things, but I have the confidence you will create as well."

And then the monastery was gone.

XOXOX0XO

"She came drifting back in a shuttle, unconscious like," explained Rex, his voice strained with worry. "She hasn't wakened since."

Ani slowly pulled her eyes open, the light blinding her as they adjusted. She saw Rex first, and was surprised to see Yoda sitting beside him. Then it slowly dawned on her that she was in the healing halls of the Jedi temple.

"What's going on?" she asked, looking between the two of them, no memory of how she had arrived on Coruscant. She remembered being in space, there had been some kind of fight. And then…. The force. The force had done something to her. But what?

"What do you remember?" asked Yoda, staring at her intently.

"I… I'm not sure," she replied. "I was with the 501st, we were trying to infiltrate the separatists and we came to the site of a big fight."

She tried to remember after that but it was so fuzzy. There had been something about Obi-Wan. He had been hurt somehow.

"Where's Obi-Wan?" she asked suddenly, looking around, hopeful that he would be there.

Yoda and Rex were surprisingly quiet at her question and she felt the fear rise in her chest.

"Where is he?" she demanded.

"He was shot Ani," Rex finally said softly, while Yoda only looked away.

End Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have tried to stay close to canon up to this point and tried to focus on how things would change if Anakin was born Ani, and I realize I took huge liberties with the Mortis arc. Partially because I found too much writers block trying to do it canonically, and secondly why is a strong force deity dying while Qui-Gon is undead forever???! End rant.


	8. Chapter 7 - The Clone Wars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still recovering from her experience in deep space Ani has to also deal with losing someone she cares about.

Chapter 7

“Is he okay?” she asked, her heart catching in her chest as she looked pleadingly from Rex to Yoda.

Their deafening silence, and the way they avoided looking her in the eyes provided an answer she wasn’t ready to receive.

_He isn’t okay, Obi-Wan isn’t okay._

For some inexplicable reason she felt like it was her fault. But Rex had said he was shot….

“Obi-Wan is one with the force now Ani,” answered the healer softly, shooting an angry look at Rex and Yoda who remained silent.

Ani felt tears cloud her vision before she could blink them away. That couldn’t be true. It couldn’t! She had seen how Obi-Wan died. _Leia_ … “This is the brother, he’s trying to trick me again,” she whispered, only half understanding what she was saying. But it seemed so real and the tears she shouldn’t be crying wouldn’t stop. She couldn’t make them stop. So she pulled her hand from Rex’s to cover her eyes, desperately hoping that when she opened them again she would find herself back on her shuttle, away from Yoda’s judging eyes and this harsh reality.

Unfortunately when her ragged breathing calmed and she opened her eyes again she was still lying in the healing wing of the Jedi temple. And Yoda was still looking at her, an intensity to his gaze. She felt her anger spike as she waited for a platitude about the everlasting force that would do nothing to comfort her.

“The brother you saw?” he asked instead.

Ani did not know how to respond to his question. Everything was so blurry in her head and her heart was burning in pain and how could this even matter if _Obi-Wan was really dead_?

Both Rex and the healer looked annoyed now, but Yoda persisted. “By the brother who do you mean?” he probed again.

“I…. I don’t know,” she replied, feeling much too overwhelmed to think about anything. Thankfully the healer seemed to know this and escorted the two men out of the room before coming back to her side.

“Is there anyone you would like to speak with Ani?” she asked softly.

But Ani could only shake her head no. There was no one.

XOXOXO

“Can I come in?”

After almost a week Ani had finally been discharged from the healing wing, and granted two weeks of furlough to re-group after her experiences. Her memory was still fuzzy regarding what exactly had happened to her out in unknown space. The healer warned her that she had likely suffered some sort of trauma, and to return if she was having issues coping with intrusive memories. Ani had plenty of disturbing visions of her missing time, but it would have to be bad for her to go back there. To the place where she found out that she had lost the person who mattered most to her. She never wanted to see the healing wing again. She just wanted to sit alone in her room and cry. Of course the force never respected what she wanted.

“Yes,” she replied softly, eyeing the young Togrutan standing hesitantly in her doorway. She wasn’t very old and she had been through a lot. Ani couldn’t turn her away, but she didn’t particularly feel like comforting _her_ right now either.

“Padawn Tano right?” she asked as the the Togrutan walked into her room and looked around for a place to sit. For a chair that didn’t have tools or clothes draped over it. Ani quickly pulled her robes off one of her chairs and gestured for her to sit.

They were quiet for a long time. Finally Obi-Wan’s padawan spoke.

“Master Obi-Wan and I were going after a bounty hunter – Rako Hardeen. I was driving our speeder and Master Obi-Wan jumped out to go after him. I didn’t see it happen. I heard it though. It was just a fluke thing, a stray bullet.”

Part of Ani wanted to yell at the other woman, to lash out at her for what happened to Obi-Wan. Yell that she wouldn’t have let Master Obi-Wan down, that she could have stopped it. But Rex held a great deal of admiration for Ahsoka and Ani had grown to respect his judgement. And she could not help but feel the younger woman’s pain in the force.

“I’m sure you would have been able to save him,” Ahsoka finished sorrowfully, and Ani feared she had sensed her thoughts. But she quickly realized she hadn’t. It was the young girl’s own feelings of inadequacy that prompted her words. A feeling that Ani understood only too well. It eased any lingering resentment and anger she felt towards her.

“Obi-Wan was a great knight, if he could not save himself there is likely nothing anyone else could have done,” Ani comforted her, awkwardly walking over to where Ahsoka was sitting and putting her hand on her shoulder. 

The girl seemed somewhat comforted by her words, but Ani felt her anger flare at her former Master irrational as it was to be mad at a dead man. _How could you have died? How could you have left me alone?_

“Thanks for saying that,” said Ahsoka. “But I doubt it’s true. From the way Obi-Wan and the 212th spoke of you, you would have been able to save him.”

“They talked about me?” asked Ani, taken off guard by Ahsoka’s words. “I didn’t think that ……”

“Of course they spoke about you,” Ahsoka said, as if Ani must be crazy to question that. “Ani would have done it this way…. Ani would have …. You hung the moon to him, I don’t think I could have ever measured up as his padawan.”

Ani felt herself flush. Then she frowned. 

“Ahsoka, Obi-Wan was not one to praise you when you were in front of him. I thought I was about the least competent padawan in the order when I served with him….”

The hours passed without the two women noticing. Lost in a comfortable silence, broken periodically by shared memories of their former master, crying, laughing and bonding in a way that only two people with a shared sorrow can. Neither realized how late it was until a knock on the door interrupted them.

Ani stood up to open the door, and was surprised to find Yoda and Master Plo standing behind it.

“Masters,” she greeted, bowing respectfully.

“Our missing padawan found,” stated Yoda, looking past her at Ahsoka. 

Ahsoka stood and walked over to the two Masters, looking between both of them. A hopeful look starting to form on her face.

“Ahsoka,” started Master Koon seriously but with a smile on his face, and Ani found herself stepping back as he offered to take Ahsoka on as his padawan. The girl eagerly agreed and Ani found herself smiling despite herself, happy that the young girl was getting a Master who she knew would be kind to her. But it hurt too. To see that someone could still be happy in this world. That Master and Apprentice relationships moved on. But the war still needed more soldiers.

“Good fit they are,” Yoda observed as the two walked away. Ani couldn’t help but agree. But she did not say that to Yoda. “They might become too attached with one another,” she observed instead.

“Yes, as masters and padawans can,” agreed Yoda. “But confuse attachment and love do not young Skywalker.”

Ani looked in surprise at Master Yoda.

“What is the difference?” she asked, wondering why they had never spoken of this before.

Yoda looked at her in surprise. “A youngling’s lesson that is. I see some things neglected we have. But know it now you will. Love like the force is. Surrounds us. Boosts us. Leaves us not. Your love of Obi-Wan, perhaps spur you to great acts. Your attachment, perhaps revenge it craves. See the difference do you?”

“It’s all love,” Ani contradicted. “You can call it attachment when it influences you towards darkness, and love when it moves you toward the light. But you are deluding yourself if you think you can separate love and attachment as if they are two emotions and not different manifestations of the same thing. You can’t tell me that it’s okay to love someone, just don’t get attached.”

“Many Jedi love without attachment they cannot, so choose not to love they do,” Yoda observed.

“You have to find the balance,” Ani whispered, suddenly getting a sense of déjà vu, feeling as if she was far away, and speaking to another wise force user.

“Yes, balance. Find it few do. But what I came to speak of with you, that is not,” Yoda continued. “The brother. What of Mortis know you?”

Ani spent the next hour discussing all that she could remember about her experiences with Yoda. It was mostly impressions and feelings she was left with than actual memories. Like the whole thing had been a dream. A dream of a beautiful place full of calm, that quickly turned to a nightmare as the brother, who embodied darkness, tried to tempt her. She told all that she could remember to Yoda as blurry as it was. Except for the one thing that stood out most clearly in her mind. That last vision – the one of Leia stabbing Obi-Wan. That she kept to herself.

“They were trying to test me or teach me I think. But I really don’t know if I passed or failed, or even how I got back here.”

Yoda nodded. “Upset you were,” he observed, and she could tell he was concerned by her mental status when she arrived back. No doubt he was worried that she had failed somehow. She didn’t think that she had. But how to reassure Yoda of that when she was not sure herself?

“I was upset because the brother scared me. He showed me upsetting visions, tried to do … something to me.” She stopped talking, a flash of memories she did not want to pause on.

Yoda nodded gravely at her words. “Succeed did he?”

Ani’s eyes widened. “I don’t think. I don’t think the father would have let me go if he did.” 

XOXOXO

Ani was exhausted after her conversation with Yoda. She spent the rest of the week alone in her room, avoiding her fellow Jedi. Ahsoka had come by once and forced her into a sparring match, but the Togrutan was off on a mission with Master Plo now and there was no one else she felt like seeing. She might have ventured to the Senate buildings to visit the Chancellor or Padmé but both were away in Naboo for the festival of lights. They were returning tonight though. The chancellor had sent her a holo-message that he wished to see her and Ani was going to wander over in a few hours.

XOXOXO

Obi-Wan looked wearily at Master Ki-Adi-Mundi as he asked yet another question about his undercover mission and the chancellor’s aborted kidnapping. Obi-Wan knew an attempted kidnapping of the chancellor was important, that’s why he had written a thorough report on his mission and presented it to the council as soon as he returned to Coruscant. But his thoroughness did not prevent them from having questions. 

“What is my next mission?” he asked as soon as there was a break in the questioning, hoping to move towards an end to this meeting. He needed to go find Ahsoka and explain that he wasn’t actually dead. He felt terrible knowing the council lied to her, but he understood that it was necessary if his undercover mission was going to work.

“Speak we must,” Yoda said instead of answering, and Obi-Wan watched in frustration as all of the other Masters were dismissed from the meeting. Soon it was only he, Yoda and Mace Windu left.

“We have re-assigned Ahsoka,” declared Mace, and Obi-wan found himself frowning. Had he been that bad of a master?

“She thought you were dead, and we had to re-assign her to keep your cover. And, perhaps we were hasty in assigning her to you instead of letting you pick your own padawan,” explained Mace. “She and Master Koon left on assignment yesterday.”

Obi-Wan nodded. He had to admit that Master Koon would be an excellent fit for Ahsoka, and letting her believe he was dead probably would do little to strengthen their Master-padawan relationship. But he still felt like he had failed somehow to have his padawan re-assigned.

“Besides, there is another matter that needs your attention,” continued Mace and Obi-Wan frowned. He had been in deep undercover for weeks, had friends in the temple who still believed him dead and he very much wanted to have a small break and a tea. But no, there was a mission that only he could handle. He only just refrained from rolling his eyes.

“It’s about Skywalker,” Mace began and all thoughts of his tea vanished.

“Ani?” he asked. She was supposed to be in deep separatist space. “Is she okay?”

“She’s fine physically. She’s been safely grounded on Coruscant for almost a month now. She did not infiltrate the separatists as assigned.”

Obi-Wan looked baffled at Mace’s words. It was not like Ani not to complete a mission, or for the order to keep an effective General in the temple. Something must have gone terribly wrong.

“The force another mission for her had,” cut in Yoda. Obi-Wan knew the green troll would never admit it but he suspected he had a soft spot for Skywalker.

“Yoda believes she was summoned to Mortis,” Mace continued, though from the tone of his voice Obi-Wan could tell that he did not completely share Yoda’s belief. Obi-Wan could understand his reluctance. He had thought Mortis was only a legend.

“Mortis?” he asked when neither elaborated. Mortis was whispered by some to be the birth place of the force. The home of the greatest force users in history. It was whispered they were locked there together in a constant battle between the dark and the light.

Yoda only nodded in response.

“What happened?” he asked, looking to Mace for more information.

“The 501st reports that they found themselves outside of known space. Then Ani abandoned them to take a shuttle out on her own. Told them that the force was summoning her. They found her shuttle floating back to the ship later in the same day. She was unresponsive, but their navigation was back online and they were able to return to Coruscant with her. She did not regain consciousness for several days.”

Obi-Wan looked to Yoda for his interpretation but he did not give it and Mace continued.

“The healer’s think that she suffered some sort of trauma. Her memories of what happened are murky but she did speak of the brother, of him trying to trick her. She was very upset when she re-gained consciousness.”

Obi-Wan knew that the brother was supposedly the manifestation of the dark side of the force.

“Show her a vision I believe he did,” Yoda said when he finally spoke. “But share with me she will not.”

Obi-Wan nodded, realizing that this is what they wanted from him. To see if he could find out exactly what had happened to Ani. To ensure she had not been corrupted by the dark side.

“Her experiences on Mortis, or wherever she went, combined with her grief at your death, has us worried about her stability. We thought perhaps you could find out more about what happened. We will assign you to do a few joint missions before she is re-deployed alone.”

Obi-Wan felt smug for a minute that his original assessment - that assigning a newly minted knight all alone in deep undercover space by herself was a bad idea - had been correct and Mace was more or less admitting it. But then he realized everything that Mace had said.

“You let Ani believe I was dead?” he asked, looking in shock between the two Masters.

“She needs to accept….”

“I will speak with her,” he agreed tersely, quickly making his way out of the council room before he said or did something he regretted. He made his way to his former padawan’s room in record time, ignoring the few shocked Jedi who he ran into who still believed him dead. 

Ani’s room was empty when he got there.

XOXOXO

Ani looked at the chancellor. Tried to process his words. At first she felt relief, like a great pain had suddenly been lifted. But then the anger came. Anger that crashed in waves upon her.

“Really my dear. I’m surprised that the council kept this from you. Obi-Wan was never dead, only in deep undercover protecting me. I can understand the Jedi Council’s discretion, but I’m surprised Obi-Wan let them keep this from you. I would have told them to tell you if I knew. I care far more for you than my own safety.”

“I…” Ani couldn’t think of anything to say. She had been in mourning for weeks. Had been in so much pain. Pain that they had knowingly inflicted upon her when she was already hurting.

“I understand my dear. No doubt you wish to speak with your former Master. We can cut our visit short.”

She smiled thankfully at the chancellor before rushing out of the senate building.

XOXOXO

He was sitting in her room when she got back to the temple. Just sitting there like he hadn’t been dead and haunting her for weeks.

“How could you?” she demanded as he stood up to greet her.

“Ani, I….”

“No. I don’t want to hear your excuses,” she shot back. 

He stepped towards her, and she instinctually moved towards him before remembering herself and taking a step back.

“The force summoned me Obi-wan,” she began, not meeting his eyes. “When I was out in space. It took me in and tested me. Showed me horrible things. But I pushed the dark side back. So that future wouldn’t happen, and you wouldn’t end up dead. That she wouldn’t kill you.”

When she finally looked up Obi-Wan was looking at her, pity in his eyes. She could not stand it.

“When I got back they told me you were already dead,” she cried, her anger melting into tears. “You were dead and my worst nightmare was true.”

She fell towards him in her distress, punching against him before sobbing as he pulled her into his embrace. He smelled like tea leaves and engine oil. But he didn’t hold her for very long.

“Who wouldn’t kill me?” he asked, studying her face as he pulled away from her.

“No one,” she said, turning away from him. But she could feel his eyes on the back of her head.

“My daughter,” she finally responded, not meeting his eyes. Because she knew that was who Leia was in her heart in a way she didn’t know it from the visions. “In the vision. She killed you with a red light saber.”

Obi-Wan didn’t say anything for a long time. Then he smiled. “Ani, I do not think you have to worry about that future. You are not going to have a daughter who becomes a Sith and kills me. It’s absurd.”

Ani felt her face color. Of course the visions were just manipulations of the brother. Meant to confuse her. To make her imagine feelings and possibilities that weren’t possible at all. She wanted to flee but when she turned towards the door someone was standing in the entryway, blocking her escape.

“Interrupting am I?” asked Yoda.

XOXOXO

Obi-Wan reluctantly left with Yoda. You didn’t have much choice when the Grand Master asked to speak with you.

“The force, swirling around young Skywalker it was.”

Obi-Wan could only agree. But a second later he found himself bluntly telling Yoda that it was likely the fact that Ani had been haunted with a vision of his death on Mortis only to be told he was dead when she returned to Coruscant that was upsetting her.

“Yes, issues with attachment has she,” Yoda agreed.

Obi-Wan dared not comment.

“But not to speak of Skywalker I called you. A transmission from the Duchess of Mandalore received we have.”

XOXOXO

Obi-Wan **was** worried about Satine. He knew things had to be bad on Mandalore if she was willfully asking for his help. But he was surprised that Yoda was letting him go. He clearly hadn’t cleared the mission with the council. He had the distinct feeling that once Obi-Wan had told him about Ani’s vision that Yoda no longer wanted them to spend any time together. He felt bad leaving her, but perhaps it was for the best. Though he had procured Yoda's promise that Ani would not be dispatched on any missions until he returned.

End Chapter 7


	9. Chapter 8 - The Clone Wars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ani has too much time to think on Coruscant....

Chapter 8

Ani sat in her room pondering. 

Obi-Wan had left abruptly several days ago and had yet to return. She learned through the Jedi temple gossip train that he was on an unofficial mission to Mandalore to aid Duchess Satine. Yoda confirmed the gossip earlier when he came by to check on her. What Yoda didn’t tell her was what _her_ next assignment was going to be. She suspected from Yoda’s behavior that Obi-Wan told him something about her visions. Something damning enough that Yoda and the council were not re-deploying her as they had planned too. The fact that he sent Obi-Wan away also troubled her. She wondered if Yoda had sent him away because of _her_. That he had somehow sensed……

And that was the other topic that she needed to talk to someone about. The feelings that she could neither deny nor admit to herself. Having too many days to sit in her room thinking she knew she needed someone else’s perspective. Someone who wasn’t a Jedi.

XOXOXO

“Ani I’m so glad you suggested this,” smiled Padmé as the two woman dug into the food that Ani had picked up on her way to Padmé’s apartment. She eyed the massive pile of take-out and wondered how much the petite woman planned on eating. 

Ani returned Padmé’s smile, and was tempted to once again hide behind small talk. But they had already circled around when the next scheduled rains were occurring on Coruscant, what holo-novel they had last read and Padmé’s belated congratulations on her gaining her knighthood. She was actually surprised that Padmé hadn’t brought up Obi-Wan’s death and resurrection – she had been hoping for the opening. But the other woman conspicuously did not mention her former Master.

“I needed a nice evening like this, I… I have been struggling,” she admitted.

Padmé only nodded, waiting for her to go on.

“My last mission…. We got lost in deep space and I ended up having some kind of experience with the force. I don’t remember everything that happened. But, I was shown visions of a possible future.”

She stopped talking, and looked at Padmé, waiting for the other woman to dismiss her experience as Mace and Obi-Wan had. But Padmé seemed surprised by, but not dismissive of her confession. It encouraged her to continue.

“I don’t remember all of it. But there were pieces. Things that I saw. Things that have me feeling very confused.”

She stopped there.

“How so Ani?” Padmé probed softly. Ani could sense that while Padme was curious she was asking more for her benefit, to help her. Ani didn’t know if she could get up the nerve to answer. But Padmé didn’t push, she just studied her for a moment than stood up. She watched as the other woman walked to her kitchen and came back with a bottle of blossom wine and two glasses. She poured wine into both of them and handed one to Ani before sitting down again.

“I drove here,” Ani protested, but Padmé promised her that her guest room was freshly prepared and she was up for a night of girl chat if Ani was. Ani only nodded and drank the glass down rather quickly.

Then she braced herself to broach the topic that she prayed Padmé would not mock her for.

“How do you know if you love someone? How do you know if it’s real and not just a manipulation?”

Padmé studied her for a long time, looking like she was trying to find an answer but didn’t have one. Ani had assumed Padmé would – she was so graceful Ani had assumed there must have been some torrid love affair in her past. But the other woman only seemed confused by her question.

Ani sighed, she might just have to tell her everything if she wanted her advice.

“Like I said, I think I had visions of potential futures….” She stopped talking again. This was incredibly hard to say aloud. “I think, in one of them. I… I was….” For force sake she couldn’t say it. Couldn’t speak it.

“You were what Ani?” Padmé asked, pouring her another glass of blossom wine.

“I think I was kissing Obi-Wan in one of the visions.”

She drank the whole glass down before she dared look up at Padmé again. She waited for the scandalized gasp. But Padmé did not appear scandalized at all. Instead she sat there, with an infuriatingly knowing smile on her face.

“I never thought of Obi-Wan that way before. But I saw those visions, and then I got back here and found out he had died. And then he wasn’t dead. And……”

She tried to stop her babbling, but except for a rare glass of champagne with the chancellor, she never drank and she could feel her inhibitions lowering. And she could feel everything that she had held in starting to tumble out.

“I think I have feelings for Obi-Wan… but maybe it’s just the visions and my grief confusing me. And even if I did truly, like him, _in that way_ , we’re Jedi. We could never act on it and I’d have to live the rest of my life feeling this way. Like there’s a great emotion inside of me that I can’t…” oh force, now she was crying. “It hurt so much when I lost him.”

Padmé stood up from her seat and walked over to her and pulled her into an embrace. “I’m so sorry Ani,” she whispered. She pulled Ani up by the arm and led her into the living room, sitting her down on a comfy couch before grabbing the food and wine and positioning them on the caf table in front of them.

A few hours and a full bottle of blossom wine later she found herself in Padmé’s spare bedroom. Playing Padme’s question in her mind. _Why can’t Jedi be in love?_

Ani did not have a reason that satisfied Padme. And she realized in her heart that she didn’t have a reason that seemed satisfactory to herself either. Not that it mattered. Even if Obi-Wan did feel the same, which incredulously Padmé seemed to think he did, he would never act on it.

XOXOXO

Ani woke up, marveling at the softness of the bed beneath her. It was luxurious against her skin and she let herself sleep a little longer, hoping the mild throbbing in her head would be relieved when she woke up next. But a few minutes later, or perhaps an hour, the smells of fresh caf drifed into the room and Ani decided she better pull herself out of bed. She took off the pajamas Padmé lent her and pulled her Jedi robes back on.

“Breakfast,” said Padmé by way of greeting, gesturing to a plate of food on the tablet and the half filled caf machine on the counter. Ani could not help but notice that Padmé looked like she felt.

“Thank you,” she said softly, grabbing a cup of caf before sitting down beside Padmé at the table.

In the morning’s light she felt a bit embarrassed about everything she had told Padmé. Thankfully the other woman seemed to sense her discomfort and instead of making small talk turned on the holo-news to watch.

Ani ignored the reporter’s dribble about tooka kittens and felt her eyes drawn to the text scrolling along the bottom of the screen: _The Duchess of Mandalore assassinated._

Ani felt all the blood drain from her face. If Satine had been killed…..

“I have to go,” she said, running out the door before Padmé could protest.

XOXOXO

While speeding back to the Jedi temple Ani’s first thought was she would _borrow_ a ship from the GAR and head directly to Mandalore. Thankfully it occurred to her that perhaps she should at least try to comm Obi-Wan first before doing anything _that_ stupid. She was glad that she had. For he answered the call right away, settling the familiar fear in her heart.

Obi-Wan seemed quite distant on the comm, trouble lines marking his face. He did not seem unhappy to hear from her _per se_ but he just looked so tired. “I’m okay Ani,” he reassured her and she felt bad that he was the one trying to comfort her. So when he reassured her he was on his way back to Coruscant and would find her when he arrived she nodded in relief and ended the call.

XOXOXOX

Ani was never good at waiting.

She paced around her rooms, trying to find something to distract herself but never succeeding. Finally after waiting what felt like it should have been more than long enough for him to return to Coruscant she went to find Obi-Wan. She knew she shouldn’t go bother him, that he might need his space and yet she couldn’t force herself to stay away.

Unfortunately she found his room empty. Instead of heading back to her own she let herself in and began to tidy the place up. Then she looked through his cupboards until she found his favourite tea and kettle, getting both ready to brew when he got back home.

XOXOXO

“Ani?”

Her first instinct was to roll over, pull the blankets over her head and to keep sleeping. Then feeling an absence of blankets and bed she realized where she was and who was talking to her. She blushed as she slowly sat up from where she had fallen asleep on Obi-Wan’s couch.

Her master was looking down at her with a look that would have been amused if it wasn’t covered by a deep sadness. His pain hurt her as if it was her own. She stood up to hug him, but at the same time he sat down on the couch, beside the spot where she had been a moment ago. 

“Obi-Wan, I’m so sorry about Satine,” she said as she awkwardly looked down at him before sitting back down.

Obi-Wan nodded but he didn’t say anything.

She didn’t know what to say to him. She remembered how empty words had seemed when she thought she lost him. So she sat there awkwardly wondering if she should take his hand or…

“Tea,” she declared suddenly, jumping up to turn on the kettle that had been patiently waiting on the kitchen counter. Of course Obi-Wan had an old fashioned kettle that took forever for the water to heat. So she stood at the kitchen counter awkwardly while Obi-Wan remained sitting on the couch looking at his hands.

“I’m sorry Ani,” he finally said and she was shocked by the words.

“Why Obi-Wan?” she asked, pouring the hot water into the tea pot, suddenly overly interested in the tea leaves.

“For letting you think I was dead.”

He did not elaborate and Ani had a horrible thought that perhaps Obi-Wan had been the one to realize how she felt and that is why he had left so quickly. She shrugged the thought away. It did not matter now. All that mattered was helping Obi-Wan through his loss.

“You’re forgiven Obi-Wan. I understand that it was a mission and we _are_ Jedi. Let me be here for you now. I know that it’s hard to lose someone you loved.”

She knew it only too well.

Obi-Wan nodded sadly. “I did love her,” he admitted.

Ani felt something break in her just a little at his confession of love for the Duchess, but she would not stoop to being jealous of a dead woman. But she needed something to distract her from the thought, so she picked up the tea and started to pour it into their glasses.

“That tea needs to steep longer,” Obi-Wan remarked and she stopped pouring at his words. “And we should talk Ani,” he added, gesturing for her to sit down on the couch next to him. She looked at the spot, looked at Obi-Wan and then nodded and sat down next to him. If he knew how she felt and he gave her some lecture about knowing when to let go…

“It hurts knowing that you won’t get to speak to someone anymore, to see them anymore,” Obi-Wan started and Ani nodded, dreading his next words. “I know that,” she mumbled, somehow hoping her interruption might stave off a lecture.

Obi-Wan surprised her. He stopped talking and just looked at her. He studied her face for a moment before taking her hand. “I’m so sorry I did this to you Ani. That I made you believe I was dead.”

She looked at their joined hands and suddenly felt bold. Padmé’s _just tell him_ echoing in her mind.

“How close were you and Satine?” she asked instead, then blushed, hoping Obi-Wan didn’t think she was trying to compare his grief with her own. Hoping he didn’t hear the unasked question - _Did you love her as much as I love you_? He was quiet for a moment and she was about to tell him not to answer when he surprised her.

“Master Jinn and I protected her for nearly a year when I was a padawan. Always together and running from danger. We grew very close, and I think it was love. At the time I told myself that if she asked I would leave the order for her. But she never asked me Ani. And we never acted on our feelings. And now she’s gone.”

Obi-Wan was strangely silent and Ani felt her heart breaking for him.

“Do you regret it?” she asked.

“No. I’m happy with the way my life has turned out. But when someone is gone it makes you wonder. Why do we put ourselves through all this self-denial when it still hurts to lose them in the end?”

Ani looked at Obi-Wan in surprise. He was looking back at her and the words almost died on her lips but she had to ask.

“Do you wish you had acted on your feelings?”

It came out a rough whisper and something flickered in his eyes at her question. Then he looked back down and pulled his hand away from hers. 

“The tea,” he mumbled.

“You said it needed to steep,” she corrected him before he could stand up.

He didn’t say anything. He just sat there next to her for the longest time. Then finally he turned and looked back in her eyes.

“Ani I….”

He didn’t need to say anything else, she could feel his emotions fully then, unguarded in the force, their bond pulling her towards him. “I feel the same,” she whispered, still finding it hard to believe that Obi-Wan was struggling with the same emotion's she was.

“Ani, this isn’t a good idea,” he breathed out slowly, but at the same time he leaned slightly towards her and reached up to pull her hair out of her face.

“But we’re already too attached,” she admitted breathlessly as he touched his forehead to her own, his eyes studying her lips. She was the one to finally bridge the gap between them. He pulled back from her, a look in his eyes. She knew he was giving her a chance to change her mind. But she didn’t, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him back to her.

And the tea had plenty of time to steep.

End Chapter 8


	10. Chapter 9 - Clone Wars ... and a little bit of Sith too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan is deployed. Ani hangs out in Coruscant. There's an explosion. And an invasion...

Chapter 9 – The Clone Wars

For the second day in a row she didn’t wake up in her own bed.

But this time instead of the soft bedding of Padmé’s guest room she felt the rough sheets of the Jedi temple brushing against her bare skin as she tried not to move too quickly lest she fall off of her side of the single bed. It wasn’t as comfortable as Padmé’s bed but being here felt _right_ to her. At least it did until she opened her eyes and found that she was alone.

_He’s gone again_

The thought brought her insecurities rushing back to her. He had been grieving and she was the consolation prize. A momentary comfort. He could never love her. And even if everything she felt from him last night was true it still wouldn’t matter. The Jedi meant more. She was not Satine who could steal him away from his honour.

“Ani?”

She startled as Obi-Wan poked his head into the room, two cups of caf in his hand. She felt herself blush as she pulled the blanket up around herself. She wasn’t quite sure if it was her lack of dress or her assumptions she was embarrassed about.

“It’s just me,” he said, about to step into the room, then stopping when he realized her distress.

“Yes, I can see that,” she replied trying to dampen her fears so he wouldn't get the wrong idea. They shared an awkward glance, both trying to read the other's feelings. She ought to say something to reassure him but it was hard to think when he was standing in the doorway, half-naked, looking like a god who didn't know whether or not he was allowed to enter his own room.

“Caf would be nice,” she said softly, putting out her hand and pushing away her insecurities. He walked into the room and handed her the mug. He paused a moment, and then sat down on the bed beside her. “I thought you only drank tea,” she teased, keeping her tone light. Reverting to the playful banter that hid so much.

He looked at her oddly. “Yes. Well. I know you need your caf in the morning. And since I was making it for you I thought I might have some as well.”

She gripped the mug tighter in her hands, letting his thoughtfulness and the warmth give her courage. She could be honest with him. She could tell him how much this meant to her.

“When I woke up and you were gone I was worried you, you regretted this,” she whispered. She knew it was better to know how he felt about last night than to let herself jump to conclusions. But she still feared his answer more than anything else.

“This does go against everything I have been taught, and everything I should have taught you." he stopped, struggling to find words. "And yet.."

“I have never felt more complete or at peace,” she finished before he could.

He nodded, smiling at her.

She smiled back and it lit up the room. 

And the force sang in approval.

XOXOXO 

“General Skywalker,” greeted Commander Cody, “Are you coming with us?”

Ani smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. She had hoped she would be deploying with Obi-Wan when he left Coruscant but Master Yoda had decided against it.

“Unfortunately not,” she answered, and she swore that Cody looked relieved though he remained focused on logging the mission co-ordinates into the transport. She was going to question him about Obi-Wan’s location but stopped when Obi-Wan himself walked into the cockpit. He looked surprised to see her, staring at her in slight alarm while gesturing to where Cody was sitting with his eyes. As if she wasn’t well aware of the clone trooper present with them in the ship.

“I know you’re departing soon Master Obi-Wan, but seeing as I’m grounded on Coruscant for the foreseeable future I thought I should pick up the data-pad I left on your ship.”

Obi-Wan gaped at her for a second, shades of confusion coloring his cheeks. She was relieved that it was just Cody with them and not one of their fellow Jedi as she pointed to the room behind him. For a suave negotiator he sure could be dense sometimes.

“Oh, right. Yes. I think it’s in…." he finally spluttered a few gestures later.

“It’s probably in your personal rooms.” supplied Cody looking between the two of them, before shaking his head and turning back to his duties. 

“Well, I’ll go get it then,” Obi-Wan said, turning around more quickly than necessary.

“I’ll help you look for it,” she added, tumbling after him. He was still recovering himself when they got to his room on the ship.

“Ani, what are you doing?” he demanded as soon as they were alone. "You can’t be smuggled away with me. We still have to follow some rules.”

She rolled her eyes at his dramatics. And they said _she_ was the drama queen?

“Really?” she mocked, momentarily wondering how much it would take for him to allow her to stow-away. “Then it’s a good thing I just came to say good bye.” 

“I thought we said goodbye last night,” he replied, his tone taking on a lower timber that made her wonder just how much time they had before Cody would come looking for them. Probably not enough. They never had enough time. A single week on Coruscant together certainly wasn’t enough time. Not when she did not know when she would see him again.

“I should be going to Cato Neimodia with you,” she whined as she pulled him closer to her by the sides of his robes. “It’s rife with Separatist sympathizers and even if it’s easy to take you’ll need help holding it,” she added before pulling him in for a kiss.

Obi-Wan sighed into her mouth, pulling her down with him into the chair before breaking away to comfort her. “Plo Koon will be with me Ani, with Ahsoka and both of our units as well. We’ll have lots of support. It’ll be okay. No matter what the outcome. We are Jedi.”

She wondered for a moment if he would leave the order if _she_ asked him too. Would they be happy living as farmers on some backwoods planet? But she wouldn’t ask him. She didn’t want to know the answer. And in her heart she knew that fighting this war was where she was supposed to be as well.

“But I do wish you were being deployed with me,” he admitted. “And before you get angry about being grounded I think you should know that the council is keeping you here for a reason. Yoda senses something coming to Coruscant. He wants you here.”

She wondered if that was the truth of if he was just placating her. 

“And they want me to just sit here and wait until something comes?” she ranted, trying to keep the whining out of her voice.

Obi-Wan smiled, cautioning her on patience as he greedily stole another kiss. A few moments later he pulled away and took her hands in his. “This week has meant a lot to me Ani.”

“It’s. It’s not just this week is it?” she asked, fear lacing her tone. No matter how many times he tried to reassure her, she still could not believe this would last. It was too good to last. 

Obi-Wan merely shook his head, not wasting time with words as he captured her lips in his again. He was about to deepen the kiss when they were interrupted by a knock on the door. They stood up quickly, taking only a moment to school their features before Obi-Wan opened the door to find Commander Cody standing with a data pad in his hand. 

“You’re data-pad General Skywalker,” he announced handing her a data pad she had never seen before in her life. “And Master Plo Koon is here to discuss the mission before we leave.”

XOXOXO

Ani was too anxious to meditate, though she knew she should be. Obi-Wan was more than capable but it was a dangerous mission and she couldn’t help but feel on edge. There was a darkness covering the force on Coruscant, a darkness that had become apparent to her when she found her own peace. But as the weeks passed by without him here she felt her peace slipping away. The clarity she had felt becoming slowly obscured with time. She ought to meditate but in this state she couldn’t. She needed to be doing something. So she slowly found her way to the hangar of the temple. There was always a broken ship or droid that she could attempt fixing. One that had been given up by everyone else for scrap. She was deep into the process of finding a project to complete when she suddenly felt a warning in the force. The next minute there was nothing but fire around her.

XOXOXO

Ani felt weak. Like someone had taken all of her energy and drained it out of her. She tried to sit up, but found herself falling back down into the bed. She looked up to see an unfamiliar healer running to her side. She thought she knew all the healers from her last visit but this one was new.

“What happened?” she asked, her throat dry. It reminded her of the fire, and she wondered how many others were hurt in the explosion.

“Someone bombed the Jedi temple,” replied the unknown women, offering her a cup of water without Ani needing to ask. It was a friendly gesture but the woman was looking at Ani oddly and it gave her an uncomfortable feeling. Ani wanted to ask for more details but the woman seemed upset about something.

“I was instructed to call Masters Yoda and Windu as soon as you woke up,” she said almost apologetically before excusing herself.

Ani really did not have a good feeling about this now. The feeling was compounded when Yoda and Mace arrived in her room, grave expressions on their faces.

“What happened?” she asked again, hoping they would be more forthcoming than the healer.

“Someone bombed the Jedi temple,” replied Mace matter of factly before studying her as if she was the guilty party and not an innocent victim. _Did they think she had done it? Did they think her incompetent enough to blow herself up in the process?_

“And you think I had something to do with it?” she asked, staring at them in shock. They had always had their differences but Mace had never accused her of terrorism before. And she viewed Master Yoda as a friend.

She was relieved when Mace actually seemed surprised by her question.

“No Skywalker. Think you had something to do with the bombing we do not,” replied Yoda while Mace continued to study her. “Many witnesses to your actions – a force field created you did. Saved many it did.”

Ani nodded at this. She had a vague memory of pushing out with her mind, of begging the force to keep everyone else in that hangar safe.

“This is about something else entirely General Skywalker,” interrupted Mace. “When the healers were treating you….” he paused to look at Yoda who looked at Mace. Neither spoke for a moment. They seemed to want her to say something.

“Remember everything from Mortis you did not. But trauma you had,” said Yoda, finally breaking the silence. Then both men looked at her meaningfully as if waiting for her to respond. She only looked at them in complete confusion.

“Did the brother do something to you?” asked Mace bluntly.

“I, I don’t understand,” she replied, starting to feel her heart race. Was there something wrong with her? Was she contaminated by the dark sider?

Lost in her confusion she missed Mace and Yoda sharing a weary glance.

“You’re pregnant General Skywalker,” Mace finally announced.

She felt her brain shut down.

“What!?!” she asked looking from both of them. Her genuine shock seemed to both satisfy and disturb them on some level.

“Darkness the child could be,” replied Yoda softly, his ears drooping.

She couldn’t process anything else as Yoda started talking about the darkness on Coruscant and Mace made vague insinuations about taking care of it. She couldn’t even reply when Mace noted that they had wanted to spare her the pain and handle things themselves. Only the new healer told them she had to know. She had to make the decision. And they weren’t sure. Not completely.

“You want me to have an abortion because my child’s father is the brother?” she finally articulated many minutes later when the meaning of their stammering became apparent. Both Jedi seemed pleased that she had drawn the correct conclusions from their vague innuendoes. 

“Unless…” Mace began, looking at her a little too knowingly.

She was saved from him finishing the sentence. But in the worse possible way. By sirens blaring over the temple intercom. Then the message came. They one they had all been waiting for.

**“Attention all units. Coruscant is under attack. General Grievous’s flag ship has been spotted. The chancellor has been captured. All Generals deploy at once. I repeat, all Jedi to their stations.”**

Mace did not finish his sentence. He turned around abruptly and exited the room at the announcement. It was only a moment later that she was up out of her bed and running after him.

“You sure you’re okay to fly Skywalker?” he asked, only sparing her a side long glance as he climbed into his interceptor.

“Can you afford for me not to be?” she asked as she jumped into the cockpit of her yellow Eta-2-class interceptor. She started the engine, grasped the gear shifts and cleared her mind. She would think about everything else after. 

“Stay close to me,” Mace commanded before she could close the cockpit. “We will have the best chance of infiltrating General Grievous’ ship and saving the chancellor.”

End Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long.... But we're clearly in Revenge of the Sith territory now so there's probably only 2-3 chapters left and they shouldn't take as long considering I wrote the RotS outline for the story first, and those are the part I'm most excited about.


	11. Chapter 10 - Revenge of the Sith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mace and Ani go to rescue Chancellor Palpatine from General Grievous. Oh and Dooku's there too.

For the Want of a Y Chromosome

Chapter 10 – Revenge of the Sith

It had been entirely too easy for them to land their Starfighters on the Trade Federation Cruiser, and Mace had the distinct impression that they were walking into a trap. But the time for treading carefully was over. The war raged on for much too long, and both the Jedi and Republic were crumbling with each passing day. So instead of feeling apprehensive when he sensed Dooku’s presence he felt a degree of relief. It was time to put an end to things. 

He looked at Skywalker beside him and he could tell that she sensed Dooku as well. He would be loath to admit it but he was glad she had insisted on coming with him. He couldn’t save the Chancellor and fight Dooku at the same time.

“I will deal with Count Dooku while you protect the chancellor,” he told her, hoping for once that she would listen. She seemed slightly disappointed by his words but didn’t argue. Instead she nodded and kept pace with him as they continued toward the heart of the ship. 

He had to give Skywalker credit. She did not lack for bravery. But he could sense an unsettled current within her. Which was not entirely surprising given the events of the day. Judging from her own surprise at the healer’s declaration she had not known about the child before today. 

If Yoda was right, and the brother had fathered her child then he felt sorry for the girl. She had been very unsettled after that mission, and he highly doubted she would have given herself willingly to the Dark Sider. But he was skeptical about Yoda’s theory. He had been approached one too many times by healers asking about the Jedi philosophy on the provision of certain female health care needs to believe that Ani’s situation was something uncommon. Of course he had never discussed the healer’s questions with Yoda - there were certain decisions that should not be made by an elderly male with no others of his species nearby. But it did leave him to wonder if the father was someone a lot closer to home.

He was diverted from his musings by their entrance unto the bridge of the ship. He scanned the room carefully for Grievous or Dooku, Skywalker doing the same. Neither were there. He sighed a breath of relief when he saw the Chancellor sitting safely in the middle of the bridge, tied to a chair. Perhaps Skywalker could get him away to safety before things got complicated. He indicated for Ani to help the chancellor as he continued to scan the room.

Not sensing the immediate presence of Dooku or Grievous he looked to where Ani was quickly untying Palpatine. And his stomach sank. There was something wrong about the way the Chancellor was looking at her. It was almost possessive. A look that Mace was sure he wasn’t supposed to see. A horrible thought ran through his head. Skywalker was a favourite of the chancellor, and had been for a long time. Mace had always assumed he was a fatherly figure to her. But there had been that occasion when the Chancellor took her to the opera. It had stirred up a bit of media speculation, and Ani had a history of not knowing how to react appropriately to authority figures. She either scorned them or did everything in her power to earn their praise. If Palpatine had made romantic overtures to her she might not have wanted to disappoint him. He remembered suddenly that she had once been a slave, and the thought of Palpatine taking advantage of that was not incompatible with his actions recently in the Senate…..

Mace was broken out of contemplating the many manipulations of Sheev Palpatine when Dooku walked into the room. No doubt the Count had made some dramatic declaration when he arrived but whatever he had said Mace had missed it. He did not want to hear the sickening words coming from his former friend. From a man he once had greatly respected. It hurt to see him fallen so low. You could not trust anyone anymore.

He bowed as Dooku approached him, a final sign of respect to the man he had been. Then he drew his light saber.

“Skywalker, get Palpatine to safety,” he ordered, feeling her pause in her rescue attempts to stare at the two of them. Thankfully she seemed to listen to him, grabbing the Chancellor and running out of the room. 

He was focused on Dooku but part of his mind could not help wondering if perhaps Skywalker would be safer here with the Sith Lord than alone with Palpatine. But Dooku was already approaching and he let the thought go to focus on the task at hand.

XOXOXO

Part of Ani wanted nothing more than to stop running away from the battle. To turn around and help Master Windu fight Count Dooku. To show him how much she had learned since she last faced him on Geonosis and lost an arm for it. But she had to save Palpatine, and if anyone could apprehend Count Dooku it would be Master Windu.

So instead of stopping she grasped Palpatine’s arm harder and pulled him quickly towards the exit of the bridge. She thought he would be more than happy to get to safety but he too seemed to be hesitating as he stared at the two men.

“That’s a Sith Lord Ani,” he stated, “Should you not be helping Master Windu?”

“I have to save you,” she replied, continuing through the exit, slashing the few droids on the other side of the door that were trying to prevent them from getting away. Surprisingly, other than a few more droids on their way they made it to the hanger without significant hindrance.

“Will we be safe in this?” asked the Chancellor skeptically as they squeezed into her interceptor. 

“She’s fast, and I’m a good pilot,” she reassured him, quickly starting the ship, ready to get out of there before her luck changed.

“I don’t doubt your skill Ani,” Palpatine reassured her, “But would it not be best for you to attempt to claim this ship with Master Windu. Together perhaps you could apprehend both Dooku and Grievous and put an end to the war.”

It was a tempting option, one that caused Ani to pause for a moment. Perhaps she should go back and help Mace. End the War. But then again, if things did not go their way and they lost a Grandmaster of the Jedi order and the Chancellor of the Republic in one foul swoop the war would decidedly turn against them. At least if the Chancellor was okay they still had hope.

She did not answer, instead letting her actions speak for themselves as she took off for Coruscant. She paused for a moment before switching into top speed, half expecting, or perhaps hoping, that Palpatine would order her to do otherwise. But he did not. Instead he sat quietly, uncharacteristically so, while she dodged the enemy fighters that followed her off the ship. Perhaps he meant not to distract her, but she knew that he was upset with her dismissal of his suggestion. She had never been in his presence for so long without him speaking.

“I do not entirely trust Mace,” were the words that finally broke the silence after she neutralized the last of the separatist fighters on her tail and was preparing to land. “Count Dooku should be brought to trial, to answer for all that he has done,” he continued, worry lacing his tone. “But the Jedi answer to the Sith problem seems to be to kill them before they can be questioned. I would have liked you to be there to try and ensure that did not happen.”

“Master Windu will do what he must,” she replied, unable to reassure the Chancellor that he would bring him in alive. More than likely one of them would end up dead. But she could not focus on that as she was coming in quite fast to a crowded city. Thankfully she usually landed this way and a few minutes later they were safely disembarked, standing outside the Senate building.

“Thank you my dear,” said Palpatine, patting her shoulder before walking in front of her into the building. She followed closely after him, keeping an eye out for any enemies who may be on ground at Coruscant. But they made it safely to his office without any mishaps.

“I have my own security here my dear,” he said once he was sitting down in his office.

Now she knew that he was displeased with her despite the fact that she had just saved his life. 

“You should return to the Jedi temple and make your reports,” he added.

She could hardly argue with the chancellor's dismissal. So she turned about and made her way back to the Jedi temple.

XOXOXOX

Palpatine frowned. 

That certainly had not gone the way he planned. Skywalker was supposed to face Dooku. To take her revenge, and another step closer to ruling by his side. But instead she had listened to Master Windu, and saved his life. He supposed he should have been grateful that she cared so much for him, but the action was very uncharacteristic. It made him question everything he thought he knew about her. And as he carefully probed her feelings he got the distinct impression that she had not wanted to put herself at risk either. _But why?_ She always ran into danger without a thought for her own safety. What had changed? She had been through a lot lately…. Then in the cramped quarters of her interceptor he had felt the tiniest, shimmer of light. A disgustingly burning light that came from within her. He had felt his own anger flare then. Jealousy as well. For he had plans for Skywalker. Plans that someone else was usurping from him. But it made little matter. He was a patient man. He would ensure that the child would serve its purpose, and then it would die. And then its mother would be his.

End Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long. The problem is I know how I want this story to end and roughly how I want to get there but I want to do it well .... Please it's supposed to be Ani's story (and a little bit Obi-Wan's) so I hesitate to let Mace and Palps steal POV sections but they're just so fun to write.


	12. Chapter 11 - Revenge of the Sith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ani contemplates what to do now....

Chapter 11 – Revenge of the Sith

Ani knew the worn path between the Jedi temple and Senate building by heart. The small fountain she often paused to drink from, the loose cobble stones she pushed back into place many times, and the shrubbery she slipped through for a shortcut. All so familiar. But for all the familiarity around her she felt completely lost.

She should want to get back to the Temple, to find out if there was any news about Master Windu. To see if the war was closer to being won or lost. To tell the council that she had completed her task and saved the Chancellor.

In another time she could see herself running back to the temple, bragging that she had saved the Chancellor of the Republic, and asking Obi-Wan what had he done today to compare. 

But it wasn’t another time. All she felt today was frustration and loss. Palpatine was upset with her because she had not tried to help Master Windu end the War. And it did chafe at her nature that she had abandoned him to battle a Sith Lord alone on the Separatist’s flagship.... Master Yoda thought she had been defiled by and was bearing the child of a Dark Sider. Obi-Wan….

She felt all the blood rush out of her face. She had been so distracted by her circumstances that she hadn't thought about what Obi-Wan would think. Oh Force….. No doubt he would be disappointed in her for letting this happen. He tried so hard to be the perfect Jedi and she was leading him straight to ruin and disgrace. Perhaps she should go back to the healer now. Agree to the abortive. Leave the scandal and speculations behind her.

And yet…. The force seemed to whisper against this. Or perhaps it wasn’t the force. Perhaps it was something else. Perhaps it was herself. Her own willful need to have something to love unconditionally. Someone that would love her back. _I love you already_ she whispered quietly, cradling her lower abdomen for a moment, a tear rolling down her cheek as she hoped the child had not sensed her earlier thoughts.

She was abruptly pulled out of her worries by a crash landing off to her left. She quickly ran towards the smoke, recognizing Master Windu’s Starfighter. Aided by her Jedi speed she arrived before any of the spectators who also witnessed the crash. Smelling the burnt circuits of the ship she quickly picked up her light saber to cut open the cockpit, revealing Master Windu sitting at the controls, blood rushing down a gash on his forehead.

She was grateful when he looked up at her, obviously injured and confused but awake.

“Skywalker….” he moaned and she quickly helped him get out of the cockpit and away from the smoking ruins of his ship. “Dooku.. dead,” he continued as she pulled his left arm around her shoulder, supporting him as she eyed his right side and the conspicuous round lightsaber hole on his tunic overlying his right shoulder. There was an identical burn on his upper back. He had been pierced through.

“Grievous got away,” he added and the admission seemed to pain him almost as much as his wounds. She only nodded and pulled him toward the temple. She had to get him to the healers fast.

“Palpatine…”

“The chancellor is okay,” she confirmed, before frantically telling one of the younglings who had come out to see what was going on to summon the healers post haste. The youngling quickly turned and ran toward the temple.

“Tell Yoda. I….” she felt his weight increase on her side as he wobbled on his feet, blinking back pain and fatigue.

“I will report to Master Yoda. You concentrate on getting better,” she told him. He seemed to want to say something else but his injuries were clawing away his consciousness. Thankfully it wasn't long until the youngling had arrived back with several healers and a hover stretcher. She quickly helped them load him on.

“I will let Master Yoda know, you concentrate on getting better,” she re-assured him again as he was dragged back into the temple.

She paused for a second after Master Windu disappeared behind the temple doors.

For a moment it seemed as if there were a million options before her. She didn’t have to go back into the temple and report to Yoda. She could take her fighter and go anywhere, be anyone. She had the force at her fingertips and anything was possible. She could go back to the Senate and ask Padme if she fancied having a room-mate. She could go find Rex and see if he wanted to gather up the 501st and go look for Grievious. She could fly her fighter to Cato Neimodia and ask Obi-Wan to run away with her. They could find some little planet far away and restart their lives. Free of the war and the constant compromise of everything they were supposed to believe in. 

But of course he wouldn’t go with her. He would think her crazy for suggesting it…. So instead she walked into the temple and wasted no time finding Yoda in the council chamber. He was meditating, a frown marring his face.

“Dooku is dead,” Yoda stated when he opened his eyes, looking like his mind was very far away from his body in that moment.

“Yes,” she confirmed though it had not been a question. “Master Windu was injured in his battle with him, and unfortunately General Grievous still lives. But the chancellor has been returned safely to his office.”

Yoda nodded. “Inform the others we must,” he replied. It suddenly struck her how small Yoda was. How frail. And yet this discovery did not mean she didn't fear him re-addressing her personal issues. So she quickly nodded and volunteered to go contact Master Obi-Wan.

“Yes, yes,” Yoda agreed. “Tell Master Obi-Wan to keep an eye out for Grievous you should.”

She nodded again and rushed out of the room. She did not look at her comm until she was alone in her room and the door locked. Then she picked it up gently.

 _What was she going to tell Obi-Wan?_

But the thought was the only time she took to pause, her fingers automatically dialing in his frequency as years of pushing through indecision with action overrode the need to actually think about what she was going to tell him.

“Ani?” Obi-Wan asked a moment later, his staticy figure lighting up her darkening room as the sun began to set on Coruscant. 

He looked relieved to see her and it eased her nerves slightly. She was about to greet him back but was stopped when a figure in the background yelled for Obi-Wan to say hello to her. “Cody says hello,” Obi-Wan parroted as he walked away from the other man. She heard a door closing a few moments later.

“How are you?” he asked, concern lining his face.

“Count Dooku is dead,” she responded, marveling that was one of the less shocking things she had to tell him. “He and General Grievous infiltrated Coruscant and kidnapped the chancellor. Master Windu and I staged a rescue attempt – I got the Chancellor to safety and Master Windu engaged Dooku in combat.”

Obi-Wan nodded – his face suddenly looking pale. “And General Grievious?” he finally asked.

“Unfortunately he escaped with his ship,” she replied, feeling another sting of failure for not doing as the Chancellor suggested. “Master Yoda wants you to keep an eye out for any possible sightings.”

Obi-Wan nodded again, his hand going to his chin.

“How is your mission going?” she asked when a moment passed and Obi-Wan made no response, seemingly lost in his thoughts.

He smiled as he looked up at her. “We took Cato Neimodia Ani. Plo Koon and Ahsoka are busy holding it. Cody and I were… well we were just about to leave for Coruscant.”

She raised her eyebrows at this. “I did not know you were recalled,” she mumbled, but then no doubt Yoda had summoned him with the appearance of Separatists on Coruscant.

“I wasn’t, not officially,” he said sheepishly. “I just. I had this feeling that was where I was needed today. Master Windu informed me about the bombing and that you were injured. I was… I was worried Ani.”

His concern for her warmed her heart. But the fact that he was about to disregard orders for her said something else. That perhaps her notion about running away with him wasn't a complete impossibility.

“But I can see that I was foolish to be concerned about you my dear. I mistakenly imagined you in the healer’s wing recuperating while you were actually out saving the Republic.”

She stared at Obi-Wan’s holo outline, trying to find the strength to tell him that she actually did need him in Coruscant and why. But it was far too personal. Not something she could share over a comm line. Especially if he took it badly. And he looked so proud of her for being the good General.

“Cody and I will re-direct our attention to finding Grievous instead. To ending this war," he continued when she did not reply.

_Please Obi-Wan, come to Coruscant instead, I need you_

That was what she wanted to say. But she knew it was an incredibly selfish desire. Especially when there was a good chance that Obi-Wan could be the one to find Grievous and end the war for all of them. So instead she replied, "That would give us best chance of ending the war sooner."

She was unable to hide the longing in her voice. For that end of the war. For them to be back at the temple together again. And she could see that Obi-Wan felt the same. But because neither knew how to voice their unspoken love with words she reached out her hand instead, letting her fingers brush again the tips of his holographic ones. And too soon his image was gone and she was alone in her room.

She sat down on her bed and pulled the blankets up around herself like a cocoon. The faintest smell of Obi-Wan’s soap drifting into her nose. It comforted her for a moment, but soon tears pricked at her eyes as the stress of the day weighed down on her. 

_I’m a mess, how can I be responsible for anyone?_

Unbidden an old memory popped into her head. _Never have children_ the woman had warned her, her eyes haunted as she spoke.

 _But why Mom, why would she say such a thing? Didn’t she love her daughter?_ Ani had asked, tears streaming down her face as she grieved the loss of her friend.

_She loved her daughter more than anything Ani. More than herself.... And to see harm come to one you love so intensely is a pain not everyone can bear. She only meant to warn you, that you would never have to experience pain like that. But don’t let pain stop you Ani. Love anyway. Only love will carry you through your darkest days._

End Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The soundtrack for this chapter / Ani's mood would be: I Saved the World Today by Erythmics.


	13. Chapter 12 - Revenge of the Sith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ani is running out of time, Padme almost gives a sex talk, and Palpatine plots.

Chapter 12

Ani watched as Rex taught yet another of their men to play sabbac. Needless to say, their mission, patrolling the core worlds for Separatist activity and General Grievous, was not very exciting. Things had been relatively quiet in the core after Dooku’s death, and some people were even saying the war was over. Ani couldn’t help but feel that this was just the calm before the storm.

“How long will we be in Coruscant this time, General?” Rex asked, turning off the game and standing up to walk towards the helm of the ship just as Coruscant came into view in the distance.

She smiled. “Only a day or two like usual I would assume.”

Though to be honest she did not know if that would be the case. She was feeling a bit uneasy as Master Windu had not specified when the 501st would be re-deploying. As she watched Coruscant come closer she unconsciously fluffed out her robes. The time when she could no longer hide the truth was coming. In fact she was surprised she had been allowed to go on for so long pretending nothing had changed.

She supposed she owed the normalcy of the last few months to Master Windu. He had called her into his room in the healer’s wings shortly after becoming conscious again. She had expected some kind of lecture. She had been surprised when he told her that whatever she decided that for now she was still a Jedi, and a General and he was not going to remove her from her post until it became necessary to do so. However, given her circumstances, it would be best if she remained close to Coruscant. Though he never let her stay on planet for long, always just long enough have a check-up with the healers, report to the council and get a good night’s sleep in her own room. She had an odd feeling that Mace was trying to keep her away from Coruscant.

XOXOXOXO

“Masters Windu, Yoda,” she greeted respectfully, standing in the centre of the council room. The fact that none of the other Masters had been invited to this meeting did not bode well, though she was very much relieved at the discretion of the two men in not including them given the likely topic of debate.

“Skywalker, you have chosen to keep the child,” stated Master Windu and she nodded. The healers had told her a month ago that it was past time that they would interfere with her pregnancy.

“Yes,” she responded, unconsciously resting her hand on her lower abdomen.

“You do understand that the Jedi order cannot have an openly pregnant member serving as a General for the Republic?” he asked her.

She took a deep breathe. This was the moment she had been anticipating. The moment they dismissed her from the Jedi order. She had been hoping for a few more months. Hoping it wouldn’t happen until after Grievous was dead and Obi-Wan was back on Coruscant. But she supposed she should be glad she hadn’t been kicked out months earlier.

“I understand,” she replied, preparing to render her resignation.

“We have debated the best course of action Ani. And the force sensitivity of your child is obvious to both of us. We thought you could be transferred to a safe haven in the deep outer rim. You can remain there until you have your child. Then you can return. No one will question you bringing back a force sensitive war orphan for the crèche.”

Ani stared at them, her resignation dying on her lips. Instead a righteous anger rose up within her. They needed to preserve the reputation of the order, but they also wanted her baby. Wanted her power. She felt sick. And yet, at the same time it was a way out.

“I… I don’t know,” is all that she could manage in response. They looked surprised, as if they expected her to be grateful for the leniency they were showing her.

“I envisioned myself being the child’s mother,” she explained, knowing that they would not understand. 

“Not the Jedi way that is,” Yoda replied.

In that moment she wondered if all the Jedi were slightly damaged by their mother’s abandoning them. That their detachment wasn’t to save them from falling, but from re-experiencing that first traumatic abandonment. The one that created all those silent babies in the crèche. She had seen the baby room once. It struck her how silent those babies were, not at all like the ones she knew in the slave quarters who were cuddled and held whenever they could manage. No the Jedi babies were silent, staring at the ceiling, knowing that no one would come.

“Then I don’t think I can be a Jedi,” she whispered, thinking of her daughter lying silent in the crèche.

“We realize this may be a difficult decision for you Ani, so why don’t you take a few days and meditate on it before deciding,” Mace replied.

She nodded, too tired to argue with them. She just turned and left the council room instead. She should have went to her room. Meditated like they suggested. But her mind was whirling and she needed someone to talk too. And it should have been Obi-Wan. She should have commed him and told him everything. Admitted the truth. But she needed someone in person. She needed someone who was there.

XOXOXO

“Ani are you alright?” asked Padme, looking in distress at her friend. The other woman’s hair was blowing in all directions, her Jedi robes crumpled and she looked only marginally better than she had at Obi-Wan’s funeral.

“I… “

Padme grabbed her comm and discretely sent her secretary a message to cancel her next meeting.

“What is it Ani? Is Obi-Wan okay?” 

Padme kept herself well informed on the Republic’s war efforts and she knew General Kenobi had been searching the outer rim for Grievous. Her fellow Senators liked to think the separatists were retreating, but she felt more likely they were regrouping under Grievous’ command.

Ani only shook her head at the question, looking so lost that Padme was reminded of the little girl she had met long ago on Tatooine. 

Padme walked around her desk to where Ani was standing, pulled a chair over and practically forced Ani to sit down before she dragged her own chair over to sit next to her. She pulled Ani’s hand into hers and squeezed it. She knew the other woman was much stronger than her in many ways, yet Padme could not help feeling the need to protect her. Like a big sister.

“I think I’m going to leave the Jedi,” Ani finally mumbled, pulling her hand out of Padme’s.

“Is this because of Obi-Wan?” Padme asked softly, hoping that the Negotiator hadn’t been a Nerf herder and trampled all over Ani’s heart. Not when it was obvious to Padme that he did love her. But why else would Ani want to leave the Jedi?

“No. Well, I guess it is, sort of.”

Padme waited for the other woman to explain but Ani only sat there, looking like she had so much to say but no idea how to say it. The Jedi having emotionally crippled her.

“What did he do?” Padme prompted quietly.

“He didn’t do anything. I… well…. I guess…”

Padme waited for Ani to continue, but she had stopped talking and a blush was covering her features.

“Is that the problem?” Padme asked. “Is this about, umm, the physical parts of a relationship?”

Padme wondered if the Jedi got any kind of education about that sort of thing. But it wasn’t like they didn’t have access to the holo-net. But perhaps that was part of the problem. Things on the holo-net were not always very realistic, or helpful. 

“I, if you have questions about it, I’m not super experienced by any means but I could….”

“We figured out the sex part,” Ani cut in before she could finish to Padme’s everlasting relief. Culturally Naboo was quite traditional and sex talks were not exactly their forte. Then she realized what the other woman had said.

“You and Obi-wan?” she asked, genuinely excited for the other woman. But then why was she upset?

Ani sighed. And then the flood gates opened and suddenly Ani was confessing everything. 

“And now I’m pregnant, and the order wants to ship me off to have my baby somewhere far far away. Then afterwards I can come back with a super force sensitive baby that I just happened to find that looks suspiciously like me but definitely isn’t mine.”

Padme briefly wondered how many times this actually happened within the Jedi order, before focusing back on her friend’s plight.

“And then I’ll have to put Leia in the crèche and pretend I don’t love her like she’s mine. And the Jedi plan A was that I would abort the baby. This is their plan B now that it’s too late for that. Otherwise I have to leave, but I don’t have anywhere to go. I don’t have any family. I’m not going to go back to Tatooine and live with the Lars and raise my baby in Hutt space. So I don’t have a lot of options.”

Padme had nothing that she could possibly say to that. So she didn’t speak. She just pulled the other woman into a hug.

“Ani, you know that I consider you like a little sister,” she whispered into her ear. “I can be your family if you need me to be.”

Padme looked away as Ani discretely wiped away her tears, too overcome to respond.

“But Ani, what does Obi-Wan think of all of this?”

Ani looked down at the floor. “I haven’t told him,” she whispered, guilt and fear coloring her tone.

“Oh Ani,” moaned Padme, hugging her again. “But how is it that the Jedi order knows about your pregnancy but Obi-Wan doesn’t?”

“Masters Windu and Yoda found out from the healers when I was unconscious after the temple bombing. They are the only ones who know besides you,” Ani explained.

And yet another reason to be happy she wasn’t a Jedi. Padme could just imagine the type of lawsuit she would be filing if she were in Ani’s position and her physician told the Queen of Naboo on her.

“Do they know who the father is?” she asked, though she already suspected the answer. Ani was far too loyal to get Obi-Wan in trouble with the council. And she liked to think that Obi-Wan wouldn’t be leaving Ani to deal with the situation alone if he knew what was happening. "You should tell him Ani, he may have another idea how to help you.”

“He’s out looking for Grievous Padme. Trying to end this war. I can’t just ask him to leave. And I can’t risk distracting him. And to do it over comm? Would you tell your partner over the comm line if you had no idea how he would react? Even if it wasn’t potentially incriminating if someone else were to hear it?”

Padme could only admit that Ani had a point.

XOXOXO

“Kenobi…..” Palpatine deliberated, thankful that Mas Amedda put that bug in Senator Amidala’s office.

XOXOXO

Ani felt a lot better after speaking to Padme. Knowing that she had someone who would support her no matter what made everything else easier. She actually fell asleep smiling.

Unfortunately, she woke up in a sweat. Her heart racing. _Blood._ There had been blood everywhere. In the sheets. In the bed. And her baby dead, dead in her arms. She put her hand to her stomach, probing gently, relief flooding her senses when she felt the light of her child. But she didn’t get back to sleep that night.

The nightmares came every night after that. Each time slightly different. But always ending the same. The blood, the silence when her daughter was born. The earth shattering sound that she barely recognized as coming from herself. Her waking up in terror only to reach out to her daughter, to feel the calm of her light.

After the third day she went to Yoda. She knew he was expecting her answer. So he was surprised when she told him she was having premonitions instead.

“These vision you have?” he asked, sitting across from her. 

“They are of my child, of her death,” she admitted, not even trying to stop the tears that came with the admission. Yoda just stared at her from his seat. Padme would have pulled her chair closer, would have taken her hand.

“Careful you must be when sensing the future, Ani,” Yoda chided instead. “The fear of lose is a path to the dark side.”

The dark side didn’t seem half as scary as watching her daughter die. But she couldn’t say that to Master Yoda. “I can’t let these visions come true Master Yoda,” she replied instead, “What can I do?”

“Death is a natural part of life Ani,” he lectured. “You must teach yourself to learn to let go.”

She nodded, stood up and left the room. She shouldn’t have been surprised that he wouldn’t help her. But she knew how much time he spent with the younglings. She had thought perhaps the death of a child would have moved him to help. But then again, he had suggested she not have the child in the first place. Perhaps this was what he was hoping would happen.

XOXOXO 

“Ani, I have not seen you in quite some time dear, perhaps you could spare me a moment of your time?”

She smiled at the Chancellor while trying to think of some excuse. She had come to find Padme, to talk to someone who would be sympathetic to her fears.

“I, I was planning to speak with Senator Amidala.”

The chancellor nodded. “Yes, well good thing I intercepted you. Padme is not on Coruscant, she's been recalled to our dear Naboo to deal with some issue there. I think it will be at least a few weeks before she is back. But please come in. I have been meaning to speak with you about something.

End Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this is now my longest story ever ... And we still have 2-3 chapters to go. Also I am oddly inspired to write an AU of this AU in which Ani does run off to have her baby and comes back to a weird Cider House Rule situation in which everyone knows but no one knows for sure until Ani accidently tells Leia to go spar with her father.....


End file.
